Bill Gao

我出生於一個基督教家庭，每個週末父母都會帶著我一同敬虔地來到教堂聚會。在那裡，我曾無數次觀看《蔬菜總動員》和《埃及王子》，我加入兒童唱詩班，也充滿好奇地閱讀《啟示錄》。我仍舊記得參與暑期聖經學校VBS的日子，與在加州大學聖地亞哥分校參與退修會的美妙時光。也就是在那次退修會之後，當時六年級的我，第一次禱告認罪和懺悔，承認耶穌在十字架上的犧牲，接受他為我的救主。

然而，隨著年齡的增長，我逐漸與教會疏遠了。學業壓力和躋身優秀大學的渴望佔據了我全部的高中歲月。偶爾，我能抽出幾個週末去教會，但與從前的朋友、長輩之間的相處變得越來越尷尬。我覺得我的掙扎處境與他人不同，太乏味，太世俗，因此不敢拿出來分享。每每想到要與疏遠已久的團契弟兄姊妹一起交流，我就感到焦慮，這樣的情形一直延續到了大學。

在那一整段時光中，我從內到外都認同自己是一個基督徒。我有神與我同在的信心，儘管偶爾也會產生懷疑，但我總能順利解決疑慮。然而，我開始覺得我不需要教會的弟兄姊妹或團契，我可以在沒有他人幫助的情況下自己當基督徒，自己讀經與成長。顯然，這是錯誤的，無論我如何看待自己的信仰，但我真實信仰狀況，變得愈發軟弱，且沒有信心帶出的行為。

畢業幾年後，偶然一次與朋友閒聊宗教時，我突然意識到我的信仰是多麼停滯不前。我決定首先從每天重新閱讀聖經開始改變。在希伯來書中，有一段經文似乎也在提醒我說： 「又當彼此相顧，激發愛心，勉勵行善。你們不可停止聚會，好像那些停止慣了的人，倒要彼此勸勉。」（希伯來書10:24-25）

我開始意識到，成為教會的肢體對基督徒的屬靈生活至關重要。可是此後不久，COVID就爆發，讓我重回教會實體聚會的計劃泡湯了，但事後卻發現這是神的祝福——在意識到疫情不會很快結束後，我搬回了我童年的家鄉，通過在線的方式加入了原教會。當線下聚會恢復時，我也已經做好了充足的準備。

在線上與線下聚會的過程中，我親身體驗了教會是如何將希伯來書10章25節變為現實的：原本我害怕羞恥與評斷，但在教會大家庭中，我卻找到了能量和勇氣。獨自一人時，我滿足於虛弱的信仰，而現在，我感到靈命迅速長進。我要更熱忱地敬拜主，因為他理應被這樣敬拜，也渴望有朝一日主能使用我來幫助他人。對我來說，這是一次屬靈的重生 ——是神無限恩典的見證，我們在教會弟兄姊妹彼此的身上，也見證著這種神的大能。

因此，今天我站在這裡，準備好當眾講出我的見證。在這裡我承諾自己是一名基督徒，我確信上帝差遣他的兒子耶穌為我的罪而死在十字架上，耶穌是我的救贖主！謝謝！

I grew up in a Christian family, dutifully attending church every weekend with my parents. I remember countless viewings of Veggie Tales and The Prince of Egypt. I participated in children’s choir and read Revelations for fun. I recall summer Vacation Bible Schools and Memorial Day retreats at UCSD. In fact, it was after the latter, in 6th grade, that I first remember praying my confession and repentance, my acknowledgement of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, and my acceptance of Him as my Lord and Savior. 

As I grew older, however, I gradually became more and more distant from the church. Academic pressure and the perceived need to get into a good university took over my high school years. The few weekends I was able to make it to church felt more and more awkward, as I became less able to relate to former friends and teachers. I felt that my struggles were too different, too boring, too worldly, and thus too shameful to share. I became anxious at the very thought of fellowship with those I had left behind – a story that continued throughout university.

All throughout this period, I continually identified internally and externally as a believer. I remained confident about God’s presence in my life, and though I did occasionally have doubts, I was always able to resolve them. But I began to feel that I didn’t need community or fellowship in the church. I felt that I could be Christian, could read the Bible, could grow, without the help of others. Of course this was mistaken, and despite how I would describe myself, my faith became weak and unsupported by action.

A few years after graduation, during an offhand conversation with a friend about religion, it suddenly struck me how stagnant my faith had become. I decided to first start reading the Bible daily again and go from there. In Hebrews, a passage seemed to speak to me:

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another” – Hebrews 10:24-25

It became clear to me that being part of the church was important to the Christian life. Soon thereafter COVID hit, making physical return impossible. But this proved a blessing. After realizing there would be no quick end to the pandemic, I moved back to my childhood home and got my feet wet with my original church through online services. By the time it was possible to return in person, I was ready. 

As I attended church both there and here, I experienced firsthand how the church body brings Hebrews 10:25 to life. I had feared judgment and shame, but as I communed with the church family, I instead found energy and inspiration. Alone I was content with a sickly faith; now I feel a drive to grow further, to worship the Lord more fervently as He deserves from me, and to one day be used to support others as well. It has been a spiritual re-regeneration for me – a testimony to His boundless grace and how we are meant to find it in others, within the church.

And so today I stand here ready at last for this public declaration. I am here to commit myself to the church as a believer, who knows to be true that God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins, and that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. Thank you.

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