Bill Gao
我出生于一个基督教家庭，每个周末父母都会带着我一同敬虔地来到教堂聚会。在那里，我曾无数次观看《蔬菜总动员》和《埃及王子》，我加入儿童唱诗班，也充满好奇地阅读《启示录》。我仍旧记得参与暑期圣经学校VBS的日子，与在加州大学圣地亚哥分校参与退修会的美妙时光。也就是在那次退修会之后，当时六年级的我，第一次祷告认罪和忏悔，承认耶稣在十字架上的牺牲，接受他为我的救主。
然而，随着年龄的增长，我逐渐与教会疏远了。学业压力和跻身优秀大学的渴望占据了我全部的高中岁月。偶尔，我能抽出几个周末去教会，但与从前的朋友、长辈之间的相处变得越来越尴尬。我觉得我的挣扎处境与他人不同，太乏味，太世俗，因此不敢拿出来分享。每每想到要与疏远已久的团契弟兄姊妹一起交流，我就感到焦虑，这样的情形一直延续到了大学。
在那一整段时光中，我从内到外都认同自己是一个基督徒。我有神与我同在的信心，尽管偶尔也会产生怀疑，但我总能顺利解决疑虑。然而，我开始觉得我不需要教会的弟兄姊妹或团契，我可以在没有他人帮助的情况下自己当基督徒，自己读经与成长。显然，这是错误的，无论我如何看待自己的信仰，但我真实信仰状况，变得愈发软弱，且没有信心带出的行为。
毕业几年后，偶然一次与朋友闲聊宗教时，我突然意识到我的信仰是多么停滞不前。我决定首先从每天重新阅读圣经开始改变。在希伯来书中，有一段经文似乎也在提醒我说： 「又当彼此相顾，激发爱心，勉励行善。你们不可停止聚会，好像那些停止惯了的人，倒要彼此劝勉。」（希伯来书10:24-25）
我开始意识到，成为教会的肢体对基督徒的属灵生活至关重要。可是此后不久，COVID就爆发，让我重回教会实体聚会的计划泡汤了，但事后却发现这是神的祝福——在意识到疫情不会很快结束后，我搬回了我童年的家乡，通过在线的方式加入了原教会。当线下聚会恢复时，我也已经做好了充足的准备。
在线上与线下聚会的过程中，我亲身体验了教会是如何将希伯来书10章25节变为现实的：原本我害怕羞耻与评断，但在教会大家庭中，我却找到了能量和勇气。独自一人时，我满足于虚弱的信仰，而现在，我感到灵命迅速长进。我要更热忱地敬拜主，因为他理应被这样敬拜，也渴望有朝一日主能使用我来帮助他人。对我来说，这是一次属灵的重生 ——是神无限恩典的见证，我们在教会弟兄姊妹彼此的身上，也见证著这种神的大能。
因此，今天我站在这里，准备好当众讲出我的见证。在这里我承诺自己是一名基督徒，我确信上帝差遣他的儿子耶稣为我的罪而死在十字架上，耶稣是我的救赎主！谢谢！
I grew up in a Christian family, dutifully attending church every weekend with my parents. I remember countless viewings of Veggie Tales and The Prince of Egypt. I participated in children’s choir and read Revelations for fun. I recall summer Vacation Bible Schools and Memorial Day retreats at UCSD. In fact, it was after the latter, in 6th grade, that I first remember praying my confession and repentance, my acknowledgement of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, and my acceptance of Him as my Lord and Savior.
As I grew older, however, I gradually became more and more distant from the church. Academic pressure and the perceived need to get into a good university took over my high school years. The few weekends I was able to make it to church felt more and more awkward, as I became less able to relate to former friends and teachers. I felt that my struggles were too different, too boring, too worldly, and thus too shameful to share. I became anxious at the very thought of fellowship with those I had left behind – a story that continued throughout university.
All throughout this period, I continually identified internally and externally as a believer. I remained confident about God’s presence in my life, and though I did occasionally have doubts, I was always able to resolve them. But I began to feel that I didn’t need community or fellowship in the church. I felt that I could be Christian, could read the Bible, could grow, without the help of others. Of course this was mistaken, and despite how I would describe myself, my faith became weak and unsupported by action.
A few years after graduation, during an offhand conversation with a friend about religion, it suddenly struck me how stagnant my faith had become. I decided to first start reading the Bible daily again and go from there. In Hebrews, a passage seemed to speak to me:
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another” – Hebrews 10:24-25
It became clear to me that being part of the church was important to the Christian life. Soon thereafter COVID hit, making physical return impossible. But this proved a blessing. After realizing there would be no quick end to the pandemic, I moved back to my childhood home and got my feet wet with my original church through online services. By the time it was possible to return in person, I was ready.
As I attended church both there and here, I experienced firsthand how the church body brings Hebrews 10:25 to life. I had feared judgment and shame, but as I communed with the church family, I instead found energy and inspiration. Alone I was content with a sickly faith; now I feel a drive to grow further, to worship the Lord more fervently as He deserves from me, and to one day be used to support others as well. It has been a spiritual re-regeneration for me – a testimony to His boundless grace and how we are meant to find it in others, within the church.
And so today I stand here ready at last for this public declaration. I am here to commit myself to the church as a believer, who knows to be true that God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins, and that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. Thank you.
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