袁愛玲

我們所信的這位神是真實的，我們也在祂的真實裡面。愛玲姊妹用她親身的經歷，向我們見證了神在祂兒女身上的帶領和作為。

我們所信的這位神是真實的，我們也在祂的真實裡面。我們每一個禱告、每一次信心的成長，都是神奇妙作為的見證。求神使用我的見證，願神在我身上的帶領和作為，可以鼓勵到更多有相同經歷的弟兄姊妹，因為神的恩典夠用。

       今年三月的某一天，我在家中禱告，心裡有一個意念，說「這是主量了又量給你的」。那時我並不明白是什麼意思，為此一直尋求神，沒想到，這成為了我接下來每一天、每一刻有主同行、更深經歷祂的開始。

       四月的一次體檢，發現我的胰臟上有一個四公分的腫瘤。經過一系列檢查，醫生確診這是八年前腎臟腫瘤的復發，並已轉移到胰臟和肺部。得知結果的那天，女兒告訴我，她一直在為我的檢查結果禱告，神用聖經的話啟示她，她也這句話用來安慰我：「你若信，就必看見神的榮耀。」但這句話當時我並沒有放在心裡。檢查的結果讓我一時之間不知所措，身體的不適和內心的軟弱交錯在一起，禱告時常常流淚，在家中敬拜時流淚，甚至主日聚會後也忍不住流淚。每天想到神的時候，我的內心會得到一些安慰，神對我說：「不要懼怕，只管站住。」祂的話語讓我得到力量。然而，每當想到自己的病情，我又會感到無力和沮喪，心情總是高高低低，跌宕起伏。我向神禱告：「我的命不在醫生手中，我的命在耶和華的手中，只求你救我」。那段時間，我在這樣矛盾的心境中走不出來。直到有一天，在向神的禱告中，我心中有一個意念說：「這病不至於死，乃是為神的榮耀，叫神的兒子因此得榮耀。你若信，就必看見神的榮耀。」然而在身體和精神的持續掙扎中，我同樣沒有把這話放在心上。

       這樣的狀態持續了大約半個月，直到神再次用祂的話開啟我的心。那天晚上我失眠到兩點，就起來讀《猶大書》。讀著讀著，神的話再一次臨到我：「 從前主救了他的百姓出埃及地，後來就把那些不信的滅絕了。這一切的事你們雖然都知道，我卻仍要提醒你們。」（猶大書1:5）當我讀到這裡，我直接跪下向神認罪，求神饒恕我的小信和疑惑，我沒有真實地信靠，而是一直活在自己的裡面。我說：「主啊，求你把我的小信挪去，用喜樂的心和喜樂的靈充滿我，求神將信心放在我裡面。」神給了我這些經文，我從此以後再也沒有因為軟弱而掉眼淚，我不再注目在這個苦難上，而是仰望神。耶和華是大神。我相信主在十字架上已經替我擔當了一切。因他受的刑罰，我們得平安，因他流的寶血，洗淨我一切的罪。馬可福音16:17-18說「信的人必有神蹟隨著他們，就是奉我的名趕鬼，說新方言，手按病人，病人就必好了。」

       從此之後，我學會緊緊抓住神的應許，學會了信靠，學會不看眼前的苦難，而是去順服神，去仰望為我釘十字架的耶穌基督、從死裡復活的主。祂大到無法測度。在這段等待保險，等待醫生的治療方案的時間裡，神醫治了我靈裡的軟弱，接下來，神的手開始醫治我身體的軟弱。

       腫瘤是長在胰臟上，所以在開始用藥之前，我就有了一些消化系統的症狀，例如吃不下飯，持續的脹氣，和隨之而來的脹痛，非常難受。我每天在街上傳福音，身體的不適給我帶來了很大的障礙。有一天傍晚傳福音的時候，我腹脹得不能走路。我向神禱告：「主啊，救我！我是為主的名在馬路上傳福音，我的主不會讓我躺在馬路上。」感謝主，神垂聽禱告，祂用祂的方法和時間醫治我。在那天發完單張之後，我的腹痛更劇烈了，只得住院三天，但神奇的是，神在這三天裡解決了我腹脹腹痛的症狀，從此之後它們不再困擾我，症狀越來越少，到現在幾乎沒有了。也感謝神，教會的麗麗姐送我兩瓶調理消化系統的藥，給了我很大的幫助。神是聽禱告的神，祂藉著人做事，藉著這些事來成就祂的計劃。

       接下來，我開始接受治療，但藥物也帶來了一些副作用。第一次打免疫針後的第二天，關節疼痛遍佈全身，痛得我無法下地走路。凌晨兩點，我因疼痛難以入睡，就起來向神禱告：「撒旦在我這裡毫無所有，那在我裡面的比那在世界裡的更大，我活著是為了耶和華而活。」第二天下午，又到了該出門傳福音的時間，關節依然疼痛，我心裡非常掙扎。我再次向神禱告：「主啊，我的身體是你聖靈的殿，求你醫治，使我可以出去傳福音。」靠著神我沒有懼怕，依然出門，發完單張回來時，腿竟然輕鬆了許多。每當我為是否出門傳福音而掙扎時，神都帶領我憑信心繼續祂的託付。感謝神，在隨後的時間裡，免疫治療引起的關節問題也逐漸被神醫治了。到第二次打免疫針時，已經沒有了這樣的副作用。身上難受的時候，我常在心裡記得，我信的神是大神，祂是大醫生，祂掌管一切。如果祂不許，這樣的苦難不會臨到我。希伯來書11章6節說：「人非有信，就不能得神的喜悅。因為到神面前來的人必須信有神，並且信祂賞賜那些尋求祂的人。信是所望之事的實底，是未見之事的確據。」

       隨之而來的另一個副作用是嗓子沙啞，在吃藥的幾個月裡，副作用使我的嗓子逐漸沙啞，平時在家幾乎只能用氣音說話，女兒說這是「寶娟嗓」。我每天非常沮喪，因為我在詩班服事，如果嗓子沒有聲音，還能如何服事呢？但神的恩典夠用，每逢主日我的嗓子並不沙啞，雖然聲音比平常小些，但足以唱詩。10月23日，團契安排我在禱告會帶領敬拜，我切切地向神禱告：「主啊，求你開啟我的聲音，你能讓啞巴開口說話，也能開我的嗓子，奉主的名宣告，把我的聲音開了吧！ 」當我上台帶領敬拜時，神果真醫治了我，禱告會上我的嗓子被神打開了，從此以後完全好了，再也不沙啞了。我憑著神給我的信心，又一次經歷了神的大能。感謝神，在整個治療的過程中，除了住院那個主日，其他時間我都沒有缺席詩班的服事和每週日下午的練習。神用祂的手給我力量和信心，讓我能站立得住，祂親自堅固我，堅固祂手所做的工。

       在整個治療期間，神顯神蹟，顯大能。祂醫治的大能臨到我身上。直到今天，經歷了四個月的治療，胰臟轉移的腫瘤體積已經縮小了三分之二。雖然時不時還在經歷一些副作用，但神也在一個一個地醫治中。正是因為這樣，才讓我真的時時刻刻都在經歷他，哈利路亞，神是醫治的神，是我的救主。祂憐憫我，也憐憫祂的每一個兒女。我親身經歷祂的信實，祂的應許永不落空。神的話在四月臨到我女兒，同樣的話語在五月也提醒我：「我不是對你說過，你若信，就必看見神的榮耀嗎？」我相信，祂怎樣應許，也必怎樣成就。阿們！

Thank God for His grace. Today, I am here to share with you my personal experience of God’s presence and healing. The God we believe in is real, and we are in His reality. Every one of our prayers and every step of growth in faith testifies to God’s wonderful works. May God use my testimony and the way He has led and worked in my life to encourage more brothers and sisters who are experiencing similar things, for God’s grace is sufficient.

One day in March this year, while praying at home, a thought came to my heart: “This is measured and given to you by the Lord.” At the time, I didn’t fully understand what it meant, so I kept seeking God about it. Little did I know that this would mark the beginning of an experience where I would walk with the Lord every day, every moment, and experience Him more deeply.

In April, I received the results of my physical examination, which showed a 4cm tumor on my pancreas. After a series of tests, the doctor confirmed that it was a recurrence of the kidney tumor I had eight years ago, which had now metastasized to the pancreas and lungs. That day, upon hearing the news, my daughter told me that she had been praying for my tests, and God had revealed to her a verse from the Bible, which she used to comfort me: “If you believe, you will see the glory of God.” At that moment, however, I didn’t take the verse to heart. The results left me at a loss; my physical discomfort and inner weakness intertwined, and I would often cry during prayer, during worship at home, and even after Sunday services. Every day, I would find some comfort when I thought of God. He spoke to me through His words, saying, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm.” His words gave me strength. But whenever I thought of my condition, I felt powerless and despondent, with emotions constantly rising and falling.

I prayed to God, saying, “My life is not in the doctor’s hands; my life is in the hands of the Lord. I ask only for Your salvation.” Yet, I felt trapped in my circumstances, unable to break free. Until one day, during prayer, a thought came to me: “This illness will not end in death; it is for the glory of God, so that God’s Son may be glorified through it. If you believe, you will see the glory of God.” I turned around, but there was no one there, and I wondered: Who was speaking? However, amidst the ongoing physical and mental struggles, I still didn’t hold onto this word. This state continued for about half a month until God once again used His word to open my heart. One night, unable to sleep, I got up at two o’clock and began to read the Book of Jude. As I read, God’s word came to me once again: Jude 1:5 says, “Though you already know all this, I want to remind you that the Lord at one time delivered His people out of Egypt, but later destroyed those who did not believe.”

When I read this, I knelt down and repented before God, asking Him to forgive my lack of faith and my doubts. I had not truly trusted Him and was trapped in my own thoughts. I said, “Lord, remove my unbelief, and fill me with a joyful heart and spirit. Place Your faith within me.” God gave me these verses, and from that moment on, I no longer shed tears of weakness. I stopped focusing on the suffering and instead looked to God. The Lord is the Almighty. I believe that the Lord has already borne everything for me on the cross. “The punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

Mark 16:17-18 says, “And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

From that moment on, I learned to hold tightly to God’s promises, to trust Him, to look beyond the immediate suffering, and to submit to Him, looking to Jesus Christ, who was crucified for me and rose from the dead. He is beyond measure. In the days of waiting for insurance and the doctor’s treatment plan, God healed my inner weakness. Then, He began to heal my physical weakness as well.

Because the tumor was on the pancreas, I began to experience digestive issues before starting medication, such as loss of appetite, persistent bloating, and the accompanying pain. It was very uncomfortable. I would go out every day to share the gospel, but my physical discomfort brought great challenges and obstacles. One evening, while sharing the gospel, my bloating became so severe that I could hardly walk. I prayed to God, “Lord, save me! I am on the street sharing the gospel in Your name. My Lord would not let me fall here.” Thank the Lord; He heard my prayer, and in His own way and time, He healed me. After handing out tracts that day, the pain became even more intense, and I had to be hospitalized for three days. Miraculously, God used those three days to relieve me of the bloating and pain. Since then, it has rarely troubled me, with the symptoms gradually diminishing to almost nothing. I also thank God that Sister Lili from our church gave me two bottles of digestive system remedies, which helped me greatly. God is a God who hears prayers. He uses people to accomplish His work, fulfilling His plan through these things.

After that, I began treatment, but the medication caused some side effects. The day after my first immunotherapy shot, I felt joint pain all over my body, so severe that I couldn’t stand. At two o’clock in the morning, I couldn’t sleep due to the pain, so I got up to pray: “Satan has no hold on me. The One who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world. I live for the Lord.”

The next day, my legs were still hurting. That afternoon, it was time to go out and share the gospel, and I struggled in my heart. I prayed again: “Lord, my body is the temple of Your Holy Spirit. Please heal me so I can go out and share the gospel.” With God’s help, I went out without fear. After handing out tracts and returning, I noticed my legs felt much lighter. Every time I struggled with whether or not to go out to share the gospel, God led me to continue His mission with faith. Thank God, over time, the joint pain caused by immunotherapy was gradually healed by Him. By the time I received my second immunotherapy shot, I no longer experienced those side effects.

When I was feeling unwell, I often reminded myself that the God I believe in is the Almighty, the Great Physician, who is in control of everything. If He doesn’t allow it, such circumstances would not befall me. As Hebrews 11:6 says: “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.”

Another side effect that followed was a hoarse voice. During the few months of taking medication, my voice gradually weakened to the point where I could only speak in a whisper. My daughter jokingly called it my “Baojuan voice.” Every day I felt very discouraged, thinking, “How can I serve in the choir if I don’t have a voice?”

But God’s grace is sufficient. Strangely, on Sundays, my voice was not hoarse, though it was softer than usual. Still, it was enough to sing. On October 23, our fellowship arranged for me to lead worship at the prayer meeting. I earnestly prayed, “Lord, open my voice. You can make the mute speak, and You can open my throat. I proclaim in the name of the Lord, open my voice!” When I stood on the platform to lead worship, God truly healed me. My voice opened up during the prayer meeting, and since then, I have been completely healed; my voice is no longer hoarse. With the faith God has given me, I experienced His power once again. Thank God, throughout the treatment, I only missed choir service on the Sunday I was hospitalized. The rest of the time, I never missed a Sunday service or choir rehearsal. God gave me the strength and faith to stand firm. He strengthened me and sustained the work of His hands.

Throughout the entire treatment period, God showed miracles and displayed His power. His healing power was upon me. After four months of treatment, the size of the pancreatic tumor had reduced by two-thirds. Although I still experience occasional side effects, God is healing each one. Because of this, I truly experience Him every moment. Hallelujah! God is a healing God, my Savior. He has compassion on me and on each of His children. I have personally experienced His faithfulness, and His promises never fail. In April, God’s words came to my daughter, and the same words reminded me again in May: “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” I believe that just as He promised, so shall it be fulfilled. Amen!

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