袁爱玲

我们所信的这位神是真实的，我们也在祂的真实里面。爱玲姊妹用她亲身的经历，向我们见证了神在祂儿女身上的带领和作为。

我们所信的这位神是真实的，我们也在祂的真实里面。我们每一个祷告、每一次信心的成长，都是神奇妙作为的见证。求神使用我的见证，愿神在我身上的带领和作为，可以鼓励到更多有相同经历的弟兄姊妹，因为神的恩典够用。

       今年三月的某一天，我在家中祷告，心里有一个意念，说「这是主量了又量给你的」。那时我并不明白是什么意思，为此一直寻求神，没想到，这成为了我接下来每一天、每一刻有主同行、更深经历祂的开始。

       四月的一次体检，发现我的胰脏上有一个四公分的肿瘤。经过一系列检查，医生确诊这是八年前肾脏肿瘤的复发，并已转移到胰脏和肺部。得知结果的那天，女儿告诉我，她一直在为我的检查结果祷告，神用圣经的话启示她，她也这句话用来安慰我：「你若信，就必看见神的荣耀。」但这句话当时我并没有放在心里。检查的结果让我一时之间不知所措，身体的不适和内心的软弱交错在一起，祷告时常常流泪，在家中敬拜时流泪，甚至主日聚会后也忍不住流泪。每天想到神的时候，我的内心会得到一些安慰，神对我说：「不要惧怕，只管站住。」祂的话语让我得到力量。然而，每当想到自己的病情，我又会感到无力和沮丧，心情总是高高低低，跌宕起伏。我向神祷告：「我的命不在医生手中，我的命在耶和华的手中，只求你救我」。那段时间，我在这样矛盾的心境中走不出来。直到有一天，在向神的祷告中，我心中有一个意念说：「这病不至于死，乃是为神的荣耀，叫神的儿子因此得荣耀。你若信，就必看见神的荣耀。」然而在身体和精神的持续挣扎中，我同样没有把这话放在心上。

       这样的状态持续了大约半个月，直到神再次用祂的话开启我的心。那天晚上我失眠到两点，就起来读《犹大书》。读著读著，神的话再一次临到我：「 从前主救了他的百姓出埃及地，后来就把那些不信的灭绝了。这一切的事你们虽然都知道，我却仍要提醒你们。」（犹大书1:5）当我读到这里，我直接跪下向神认罪，求神饶恕我的小信和疑惑，我没有真实地信靠，而是一直活在自己的里面。我说：「主啊，求你把我的小信挪去，用喜乐的心和喜乐的灵充满我，求神将信心放在我里面。」神给了我这些经文，我从此以后再也没有因为软弱而掉眼泪，我不再注目在这个苦难上，而是仰望神。耶和华是大神。我相信主在十字架上已经替我担当了一切。因他受的刑罚，我们得平安，因他流的宝血，洗净我一切的罪。马可福音16:17-18说「信的人必有神蹟随着他们，就是奉我的名赶鬼，说新方言，手按病人，病人就必好了。」

       从此之后，我学会紧紧抓住神的应许，学会了信靠，学会不看眼前的苦难，而是去顺服神，去仰望为我钉十字架的耶稣基督、从死里复活的主。祂大到无法测度。在这段等待保险，等待医生的治疗方案的时间里，神医治了我灵里的软弱，接下来，神的手开始医治我身体的软弱。

       肿瘤是长在胰脏上，所以在开始用药之前，我就有了一些消化系统的症状，例如吃不下饭，持续的胀气，和随之而来的胀痛，非常难受。我每天在街上传福音，身体的不适给我带来了很大的障碍。有一天傍晚传福音的时候，我腹胀得不能走路。我向神祷告：「主啊，救我！我是为主的名在马路上传福音，我的主不会让我躺在马路上。」感谢主，神垂听祷告，祂用祂的方法和时间医治我。在那天发完单张之后，我的腹痛更剧烈了，只得住院三天，但神奇的是，神在这三天里解决了我腹胀腹痛的症状，从此之后它们不再困扰我，症状越来越少，到现在几乎没有了。也感谢神，教会的丽丽姐送我两瓶调理消化系统的药，给了我很大的帮助。神是听祷告的神，祂借着人做事，借着这些事来成就祂的计划。

       接下来，我开始接受治疗，但药物也带来了一些副作用。第一次打免疫针后的第二天，关节疼痛遍布全身，痛得我无法下地走路。凌晨两点，我因疼痛难以入睡，就起来向神祷告：「撒旦在我这里毫无所有，那在我里面的比那在世界里的更大，我活着是为了耶和华而活。」第二天下午，又到了该出门传福音的时间，关节依然疼痛，我心里非常挣扎。我再次向神祷告：「主啊，我的身体是你圣灵的殿，求你医治，使我可以出去传福音。」靠着神我没有惧怕，依然出门，发完单张回来时，腿竟然轻松了许多。每当我为是否出门传福音而挣扎时，神都带领我凭信心继续祂的托付。感谢神，在随后的时间里，免疫治疗引起的关节问题也逐渐被神医治了。到第二次打免疫针时，已经没有了这样的副作用。身上难受的时候，我常在心里记得，我信的神是大神，祂是大医生，祂掌管一切。如果祂不许，这样的苦难不会临到我。希伯来书11章6节说：「人非有信，就不能得神的喜悦。因为到神面前来的人必须信有神，并且信祂赏赐那些寻求祂的人。信是所望之事的实底，是未见之事的确据。」

       随之而来的另一个副作用是嗓子沙哑，在吃药的几个月里，副作用使我的嗓子逐渐沙哑，平时在家几乎只能用气音说话，女儿说这是「宝娟嗓」。我每天非常沮丧，因为我在诗班服事，如果嗓子没有声音，还能如何服事呢？但神的恩典够用，每逢主日我的嗓子并不沙哑，虽然声音比平常小些，但足以唱诗。10月23日，团契安排我在祷告会带领敬拜，我切切地向神祷告：「主啊，求你开启我的声音，你能让哑巴开口说话，也能开我的嗓子，奉主的名宣告，把我的声音开了吧！ 」当我上台带领敬拜时，神果真医治了我，祷告会上我的嗓子被神打开了，从此以后完全好了，再也不沙哑了。我凭著神给我的信心，又一次经历了神的大能。感谢神，在整个治疗的过程中，除了住院那个主日，其他时间我都没有缺席诗班的服事和每周日下午的练习。神用祂的手给我力量和信心，让我能站立得住，祂亲自坚固我，坚固祂手所做的工。

       在整个治疗期间，神显神蹟，显大能。祂医治的大能临到我身上。直到今天，经历了四个月的治疗，胰脏转移的肿瘤体积已经缩小了三分之二。虽然时不时还在经历一些副作用，但神也在一个一个地医治中。正是因为这样，才让我真的时时刻刻都在经历他，哈利路亚，神是医治的神，是我的救主。祂怜悯我，也怜悯祂的每一个儿女。我亲身经历祂的信实，祂的应许永不落空。神的话在四月临到我女儿，同样的话语在五月也提醒我：「我不是对你说过，你若信，就必看见神的荣耀吗？」我相信，祂怎样应许，也必怎样成就。阿们！

Thank God for His grace. Today, I am here to share with you my personal experience of God’s presence and healing. The God we believe in is real, and we are in His reality. Every one of our prayers and every step of growth in faith testifies to God’s wonderful works. May God use my testimony and the way He has led and worked in my life to encourage more brothers and sisters who are experiencing similar things, for God’s grace is sufficient.

One day in March this year, while praying at home, a thought came to my heart: “This is measured and given to you by the Lord.” At the time, I didn’t fully understand what it meant, so I kept seeking God about it. Little did I know that this would mark the beginning of an experience where I would walk with the Lord every day, every moment, and experience Him more deeply.

In April, I received the results of my physical examination, which showed a 4cm tumor on my pancreas. After a series of tests, the doctor confirmed that it was a recurrence of the kidney tumor I had eight years ago, which had now metastasized to the pancreas and lungs. That day, upon hearing the news, my daughter told me that she had been praying for my tests, and God had revealed to her a verse from the Bible, which she used to comfort me: “If you believe, you will see the glory of God.” At that moment, however, I didn’t take the verse to heart. The results left me at a loss; my physical discomfort and inner weakness intertwined, and I would often cry during prayer, during worship at home, and even after Sunday services. Every day, I would find some comfort when I thought of God. He spoke to me through His words, saying, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm.” His words gave me strength. But whenever I thought of my condition, I felt powerless and despondent, with emotions constantly rising and falling.

I prayed to God, saying, “My life is not in the doctor’s hands; my life is in the hands of the Lord. I ask only for Your salvation.” Yet, I felt trapped in my circumstances, unable to break free. Until one day, during prayer, a thought came to me: “This illness will not end in death; it is for the glory of God, so that God’s Son may be glorified through it. If you believe, you will see the glory of God.” I turned around, but there was no one there, and I wondered: Who was speaking? However, amidst the ongoing physical and mental struggles, I still didn’t hold onto this word. This state continued for about half a month until God once again used His word to open my heart. One night, unable to sleep, I got up at two o’clock and began to read the Book of Jude. As I read, God’s word came to me once again: Jude 1:5 says, “Though you already know all this, I want to remind you that the Lord at one time delivered His people out of Egypt, but later destroyed those who did not believe.”

When I read this, I knelt down and repented before God, asking Him to forgive my lack of faith and my doubts. I had not truly trusted Him and was trapped in my own thoughts. I said, “Lord, remove my unbelief, and fill me with a joyful heart and spirit. Place Your faith within me.” God gave me these verses, and from that moment on, I no longer shed tears of weakness. I stopped focusing on the suffering and instead looked to God. The Lord is the Almighty. I believe that the Lord has already borne everything for me on the cross. “The punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

Mark 16:17-18 says, “And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

From that moment on, I learned to hold tightly to God’s promises, to trust Him, to look beyond the immediate suffering, and to submit to Him, looking to Jesus Christ, who was crucified for me and rose from the dead. He is beyond measure. In the days of waiting for insurance and the doctor’s treatment plan, God healed my inner weakness. Then, He began to heal my physical weakness as well.

Because the tumor was on the pancreas, I began to experience digestive issues before starting medication, such as loss of appetite, persistent bloating, and the accompanying pain. It was very uncomfortable. I would go out every day to share the gospel, but my physical discomfort brought great challenges and obstacles. One evening, while sharing the gospel, my bloating became so severe that I could hardly walk. I prayed to God, “Lord, save me! I am on the street sharing the gospel in Your name. My Lord would not let me fall here.” Thank the Lord; He heard my prayer, and in His own way and time, He healed me. After handing out tracts that day, the pain became even more intense, and I had to be hospitalized for three days. Miraculously, God used those three days to relieve me of the bloating and pain. Since then, it has rarely troubled me, with the symptoms gradually diminishing to almost nothing. I also thank God that Sister Lili from our church gave me two bottles of digestive system remedies, which helped me greatly. God is a God who hears prayers. He uses people to accomplish His work, fulfilling His plan through these things.

After that, I began treatment, but the medication caused some side effects. The day after my first immunotherapy shot, I felt joint pain all over my body, so severe that I couldn’t stand. At two o’clock in the morning, I couldn’t sleep due to the pain, so I got up to pray: “Satan has no hold on me. The One who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world. I live for the Lord.”

The next day, my legs were still hurting. That afternoon, it was time to go out and share the gospel, and I struggled in my heart. I prayed again: “Lord, my body is the temple of Your Holy Spirit. Please heal me so I can go out and share the gospel.” With God’s help, I went out without fear. After handing out tracts and returning, I noticed my legs felt much lighter. Every time I struggled with whether or not to go out to share the gospel, God led me to continue His mission with faith. Thank God, over time, the joint pain caused by immunotherapy was gradually healed by Him. By the time I received my second immunotherapy shot, I no longer experienced those side effects.

When I was feeling unwell, I often reminded myself that the God I believe in is the Almighty, the Great Physician, who is in control of everything. If He doesn’t allow it, such circumstances would not befall me. As Hebrews 11:6 says: “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.”

Another side effect that followed was a hoarse voice. During the few months of taking medication, my voice gradually weakened to the point where I could only speak in a whisper. My daughter jokingly called it my “Baojuan voice.” Every day I felt very discouraged, thinking, “How can I serve in the choir if I don’t have a voice?”

But God’s grace is sufficient. Strangely, on Sundays, my voice was not hoarse, though it was softer than usual. Still, it was enough to sing. On October 23, our fellowship arranged for me to lead worship at the prayer meeting. I earnestly prayed, “Lord, open my voice. You can make the mute speak, and You can open my throat. I proclaim in the name of the Lord, open my voice!” When I stood on the platform to lead worship, God truly healed me. My voice opened up during the prayer meeting, and since then, I have been completely healed; my voice is no longer hoarse. With the faith God has given me, I experienced His power once again. Thank God, throughout the treatment, I only missed choir service on the Sunday I was hospitalized. The rest of the time, I never missed a Sunday service or choir rehearsal. God gave me the strength and faith to stand firm. He strengthened me and sustained the work of His hands.

Throughout the entire treatment period, God showed miracles and displayed His power. His healing power was upon me. After four months of treatment, the size of the pancreatic tumor had reduced by two-thirds. Although I still experience occasional side effects, God is healing each one. Because of this, I truly experience Him every moment. Hallelujah! God is a healing God, my Savior. He has compassion on me and on each of His children. I have personally experienced His faithfulness, and His promises never fail. In April, God’s words came to my daughter, and the same words reminded me again in May: “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” I believe that just as He promised, so shall it be fulfilled. Amen!

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