Eric Wu

這一年發生了許多讓我感謝神的事。為我聽話的兒子Luke感謝神；感謝神給了我世界上最好的妻子Tracy；感謝神把團契、教會中的弟兄姊妹放到我們生命裡；感謝神讓教會有蕭牧師和師母的教導和帶領；感謝神將我和我的家人帶到CBCWLA。但今年，我最感恩的事是為神的掌權感恩，感謝神讓我看見福音是多麼無價，感謝神教導我如何成為一個忠心的僕人。

四年前，當我來到CBCWLA時，我正處於人生的最低谷。我的婚姻出現了問題，導致我與神的關係也受到了影響。感謝神的恩典和憐憫，祂醫治了我們內心的創傷，幫助我們和好，並在今年賜給了我們Baby Luke。但這是另一個故事了。今天，我想分享神如何幫助我看清自己是多麼有罪和驕傲，看到福音是多麼無價，以及如何成為一個忠實的僕人。

在我以前的教會裡，我幾乎參與了所有服事。平均每週花二十到三十個小時在服事上。那個教會的牧師曾經問我：「是什麼讓你想花這麼多時間在教會？」我說：「因為耶穌為我所做的一切。雖然祂是無罪的，祂為我的罪死在十字架上，用祂的寶血把我的罪洗淨。我感覺我虧欠耶穌。因為祂為我獻出了生命，我也應該把我的生命獻給祂」。老實說，我認為這是一個標準的答案。但令我驚訝的是，我的牧師提醒我要小心。他提醒我，事奉神應該出於得到救恩的喜樂，而不是出於對神的虧欠。當時，我不確定他的意思。但是今年，神讓我明白了牧師的意思。不是因為某一次的講道、某一次的查經或某一次的靈修，而是每週參加主日崇拜、每週參與團契查經、以及每天閱讀神的話語和靈修的結合，讓我意識到我確實用了錯誤的心來服事。

首先，我意識到，當我帶著虧欠耶穌的感覺事奉時，這影響了我與神以及與兄弟姊妹的關係。當一切順利時，我很容易變得驕傲。「看，這就是神拯救我的原因。」然而，當事情進展不順利時，我很容易對自己和周遭的人生氣。「我辜負了神。祂救了我。祂為我死，但我卻不能為祂做XXX。我虧欠祂太多，卻連這點小事都做不到。」當我用虧欠耶穌的心服事時，我的目光是集中在我自己身上，集中在我能做的事情上，而不是集中在神身上，集中在祂已經為我做的事情上。幾週前，當Alex弟兄講到「積功德」和「信心」的區別時，我意識到，帶著一種虧欠的感覺、一種試圖償還耶穌的感覺來服事，就是另一種「積功德」。 

其次，當我帶著一種虧欠的感覺來事奉神時，我也貶低了福音的價值。我用一個比喻來解釋一下。想像有一天，美國總統送給你希望鑽石。希望鑽石是一顆45克拉的鑽石，價值約3億美元。你會有什麼反應？你會不會說：「總統先生，你真是太慷慨了。我請你去吃拐角的麥當勞怎麼樣？」這種反應會貶低希望鑽石的價值和總統的善意。同樣，當我的服事是出於虧欠感時，我貶低了福音的價值，也貶低了耶穌在十字架上的犧牲。對於耶穌為我上十字架，贖罪，我無能為力償還，只能相信、接受和感謝。專注於自己，專注於我如何虧欠上帝，以及我該如何做，只會貶低神的恩典。 

最近，我們團契讀了路加福音20:19-26，關於是否應該納稅給凱撒。我們討論了「納」和將屬神的東西「歸」給神的區別。當一個人納稅時，你認為這些錢是你自己賺的，然後把自己辛苦得來的錢給出去。而耶穌提醒我們要思考什麼是屬於神的。這幫助我意識到，過去，當我出於負疚感服事時，我無意間認為我的時間、我的金錢、我的才能都是「我的」，都是我辛苦得來的，而不是神賜給我的。但如果我著眼於神、定睛於神所賜給我的東西，然後來服事祂，我就會意識到我生命中的一切都是神的恩典，都是神白白給我的。既然我白白地得到了它們，我就應該白白地給出去。 

讓我舉幾個例子。我真的很為兒子Luke感謝神。他是一個超乖的小孩。他吃得好，睡得好。因為他的作息規律，一個月的時候就可以睡過夜，我有了很多我本來以為不會有的額外時間和精力。當我以虧欠神的心服事時，我會告訴自己，我應該把一些額外的時間和精力給神，然後再把剩下的時間留給自己。就好像這些額外的時間和精力是我辛苦得來的，所以我可以決定這些額外的時間和精力要做什麼。但是，這些額外的時間和精力並不是我得來的，是神的恩典和憐憫。Luke這麼乖是神的恩典。既然神白白地給了我這些額外的時間和精力，我出於感恩的心也可以白白地用這些時間來事奉神、服務弟兄姊妹和慕道友。

我也為Tracy感謝神。她非常善於照顧Luke，也很包容我。因此，我有一些額外的時間可以用來服事她，例如花額外的時間準備她最喜歡的飯菜，買奶茶，或做所有的家務，這樣她就有更多的時間休息。 

我現在不再用虧欠神的心服事，我的服事是出於對神的感謝，出於神豐富的恩典和憐憫。我服事是因為我知道神白白地賜給了我生命中的一切。正如保羅在哥林多後書9:9所說：「他施捨錢財，賙濟貧窮，他的仁義存到永遠。」感謝神讓我看到自己的罪，學到如何謙卑自己，成為一個樂意的奉獻者，並教導我如何在得到神救恩的喜樂中去事奉。 

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Thankful for God’s Sovereignty

Eric Wu

I am thankful for a lot of things this year.  I am thankful for my wonderful son, Luke; thankful for the best wife in the world, Tracy; thankful for all the brothers and sisters in my fellowship and in the church; and thankful for Pastor Mickey and Shimu; and thankful for God bringing me and my family to CBCWLA.  But most importantly, this year, I am thankful for God’s sovereignty, thankful for God showing me how priceless the Gospel is, and thankful for God teaching me how to be a faithful servant. 

When I came to CBCWLA four years ago, I was at the lowest point in my life.  I was having marital problems and, because of that, my relationship with God also suffered.  Thanks to the grace and mercy of God, He healed the wounds in our hearts, helped us reconcile to each other, and, this year, gave us baby Luke.  But that’s a story for another time.  Today, I want to share how God helped me see how sinful and arrogant I was, how priceless the Gospel is, and how to be a faithful servant.    

In my previous church, I was one of those people who was involved in almost everything and spent on average twenty to thirty hours weekly on church related things.  The pastor at that church once asked me, “What makes you want to spend so much time at church?”  I said, “Because of what Jesus did for me.  Even though He was without sin, He died on the cross for my sins and washed me white as snow.  I’m indebted to Jesus.  Because He gave His life for me, I ought to give my life to Him.”  Which, to be honest, I thought was a pretty good answer, but, to my surprise, my pastor told me to be careful.  He warned me that serving God should be motivated by the joy of receiving salvation and not by feeling indebted to God.  At that time, I wasn’t sure what he meant, but, this year, God taught me what my pastor meant.  It wasn’t a particular sermon, a particular Bible study, or a particular daily devotion, but it was a combination of attending weekly Sunday Worship, studying the Bible in fellowship weekly, going to the retreat, and reading His Word daily.  And I realized that, indeed, I was serving Him with the wrong heart. 

First, I realized that when I served Him with a feeling of being indebted, it affected my relationship with God and with my brothers and sisters.  When everything goes well, I am tempted to be arrogant.  “See, this is why God saved me.”  On the other hand, when things don’t go well, I am tempted to be angry at myself and at those around me.  “I have failed God.  He saved me.  He gave me his life, but I couldn’t even do anything for Him.  I owe Him so much, yet I couldn’t even do this little thing for Him.”  When I am motivated by feeling indebted to God, my eyes are focused on me, on what I can do, rather than on God, on what He has done.  A couple of weeks ago, when brother Alex preached on the difference between “accumulating merits” and “faith”, I realized that serving with a feeling of being indebted, with a feeling of trying to pay off my debt to Jesus is just another way of “accumulating merits”. 

Second, by serving Him with a feeling of being indebted, I also cheapen the Gospel.  Let me explain with an analogy.  Imagine one day, the president of the United States gives you the Hope Diamond.  For those who don’t know, the Hope Diamond is a 45-carat diamond valued at about 300 million.  How would you have reacted?  Would you have said, “Geez, Mr. President, that is so generous of you.  How about I treat you to the McDonalds that’s just around the corner?” This reaction would have cheapened the Hope Diamond and the nice gesture by the President.  Similarly, when I serve God out of a feeling of being indebted, I cheapen the Gospel and I cheapen Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.  There’s nothing I can do, except to simply believe, receive, and thank God for what He has done.  Focusing on myself, focusing on how I’m indebted to God, and how I ought to do only cheapen God’s grace. 

Recently, we read Luke 20:19-26, the passage on whether one should pay taxes to Caesar.  We discussed the difference between “paying taxes” and “rendering to God the things that are God’s”.  When a person pays taxes, you think of the money as your own, and you’re giving your own money away.  On the other hand, Jesus is telling us to think about what things are God’s.  It helped me realize that in the past, when I served out of feeling indebted, I was thinking of my time, my money, my talents, as “mine”, and not as God’s.  But if I serve by focusing on God and focusing on what God has given me, I realize that God has given me everything in my life, and since I received them freely, I should freely give them away. 

Let me give a couple of examples.  I am really thankful for Luke.  He has been an amazing baby.  He eats so well and sleeps so well.  Because of how well-behaving he is, I had a lot of extra time and energy that I did not think I would have.  When I served out of feeling indebted to God, I would tell myself that I ought to give some of this extra time and energy to God and, then, have some time for myself.  It’s as if I’ve earned this extra time and energy, and these extra time and energy are mine to decide what to do.  But, I did not earn this extra time and energy.  It is God’s grace and mercy.  It is God’s grace that Luke is so wonderful.  Since God has freely given me these extra time and energy, I can freely give them away by serving God and serving others.  I am also really thankful for Tracy.  She has been amazing at taking care of Luke and sharing the burden.  As a result, I have some extra time which I can use to serve her, such as spending extra time preparing her favorite meals or doing all the chores around the house, so that she has more time to rest. 

Instead of serving out of feeling indebted, I now serve out of being thankful to God, out of God’s abundant grace and mercy.  I serve out of knowing that God has freely given me everything in my life.  As Paul said 2 Corinthians 9:9, “As it is written, ‘He has distributed freely, he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.’”  Thank God for showing me how to be a cheerful giver, and teaching me how to serve out of the joy of receiving God’s salvation.

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