Eric Wu

这一年发生了许多让我感谢神的事。为我听话的儿子Luke感谢神；感谢神给了我世界上最好的妻子Tracy；感谢神把团契、教会中的弟兄姊妹放到我们生命里；感谢神让教会有萧牧师和师母的教导和带领；感谢神将我和我的家人带到CBCWLA。但今年，我最感恩的事是为神的掌权感恩，感谢神让我看见福音是多么无价，感谢神教导我如何成为一个忠心的仆人。

四年前，当我来到CBCWLA时，我正处于人生的最低谷。我的婚姻出现了问题，导致我与神的关系也受到了影响。感谢神的恩典和怜悯，祂医治了我们内心的创伤，帮助我们和好，并在今年赐给了我们Baby Luke。但这是另一个故事了。今天，我想分享神如何帮助我看清自己是多么有罪和骄傲，看到福音是多么无价，以及如何成为一个忠实的仆人。

在我以前的教会里，我几乎参与了所有服事。平均每周花二十到三十个小时在服事上。那个教会的牧师曾经问我：「是什么让你想花这么多时间在教会？」我说：「因为耶稣为我所做的一切。虽然祂是无罪的，祂为我的罪死在十字架上，用祂的宝血把我的罪洗净。我感觉我亏欠耶稣。因为祂为我献出了生命，我也应该把我的生命献给祂」。老实说，我认为这是一个标准的答案。但令我惊讶的是，我的牧师提醒我要小心。他提醒我，事奉神应该出于得到救恩的喜乐，而不是出于对神的亏欠。当时，我不确定他的意思。但是今年，神让我明白了牧师的意思。不是因为某一次的讲道、某一次的查经或某一次的灵修，而是每周参加主日崇拜、每周参与团契查经、以及每天阅读神的话语和灵修的结合，让我意识到我确实用了错误的心来服事。

首先，我意识到，当我带着亏欠耶稣的感觉事奉时，这影响了我与神以及与兄弟姊妹的关系。当一切顺利时，我很容易变得骄傲。「看，这就是神拯救我的原因。」然而，当事情进展不顺利时，我很容易对自己和周遭的人生气。「我辜负了神。祂救了我。祂为我死，但我却不能为祂做XXX。我亏欠祂太多，却连这点小事都做不到。」当我用亏欠耶稣的心服事时，我的目光是集中在我自己身上，集中在我能做的事情上，而不是集中在神身上，集中在祂已经为我做的事情上。几周前，当Alex弟兄讲到「积功德」和「信心」的区别时，我意识到，带着一种亏欠的感觉、一种试图偿还耶稣的感觉来服事，就是另一种「积功德」。 

其次，当我带着一种亏欠的感觉来事奉神时，我也贬低了福音的价值。我用一个比喻来解释一下。想像有一天，美国总统送给你希望钻石。希望钻石是一颗45克拉的钻石，价值约3亿美元。你会有什么反应？你会不会说：「总统先生，你真是太慷慨了。我请你去吃拐角的麦当劳怎么样？」这种反应会贬低希望钻石的价值和总统的善意。同样，当我的服事是出于亏欠感时，我贬低了福音的价值，也贬低了耶稣在十字架上的牺牲。对于耶稣为我上十字架，赎罪，我无能为力偿还，只能相信、接受和感谢。专注于自己，专注于我如何亏欠上帝，以及我该如何做，只会贬低神的恩典。 

最近，我们团契读了路加福音20:19-26，关于是否应该纳税给凯撒。我们讨论了「纳」和将属神的东西「归」给神的区别。当一个人纳税时，你认为这些钱是你自己赚的，然后把自己辛苦得来的钱给出去。而耶稣提醒我们要思考什么是属于神的。这帮助我意识到，过去，当我出于负疚感服事时，我无意间认为我的时间、我的金钱、我的才能都是「我的」，都是我辛苦得来的，而不是神赐给我的。但如果我着眼于神、定睛于神所赐给我的东西，然后来服事祂，我就会意识到我生命中的一切都是神的恩典，都是神白白给我的。既然我白白地得到了它们，我就应该白白地给出去。 

让我举几个例子。我真的很为儿子Luke感谢神。他是一个超乖的小孩。他吃得好，睡得好。因为他的作息规律，一个月的时候就可以睡过夜，我有了很多我本来以为不会有的额外时间和精力。当我以亏欠神的心服事时，我会告诉自己，我应该把一些额外的时间和精力给神，然后再把剩下的时间留给自己。就好像这些额外的时间和精力是我辛苦得来的，所以我可以决定这些额外的时间和精力要做什么。但是，这些额外的时间和精力并不是我得来的，是神的恩典和怜悯。Luke这么乖是神的恩典。既然神白白地给了我这些额外的时间和精力，我出于感恩的心也可以白白地用这些时间来事奉神、服务弟兄姊妹和慕道友。

我也为Tracy感谢神。她非常善于照顾Luke，也很包容我。因此，我有一些额外的时间可以用来服事她，例如花额外的时间准备她最喜欢的饭菜，买奶茶，或做所有的家务，这样她就有更多的时间休息。 

我现在不再用亏欠神的心服事，我的服事是出于对神的感谢，出于神丰富的恩典和怜悯。我服事是因为我知道神白白地赐给了我生命中的一切。正如保罗在哥林多后书9:9所说：「他施舍钱财，赒济贫穷，他的仁义存到永远。」感谢神让我看到自己的罪，学到如何谦卑自己，成为一个乐意的奉献者，并教导我如何在得到神救恩的喜乐中去事奉。 

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Thankful for God’s Sovereignty

Eric Wu

I am thankful for a lot of things this year.  I am thankful for my wonderful son, Luke; thankful for the best wife in the world, Tracy; thankful for all the brothers and sisters in my fellowship and in the church; and thankful for Pastor Mickey and Shimu; and thankful for God bringing me and my family to CBCWLA.  But most importantly, this year, I am thankful for God’s sovereignty, thankful for God showing me how priceless the Gospel is, and thankful for God teaching me how to be a faithful servant. 

When I came to CBCWLA four years ago, I was at the lowest point in my life.  I was having marital problems and, because of that, my relationship with God also suffered.  Thanks to the grace and mercy of God, He healed the wounds in our hearts, helped us reconcile to each other, and, this year, gave us baby Luke.  But that’s a story for another time.  Today, I want to share how God helped me see how sinful and arrogant I was, how priceless the Gospel is, and how to be a faithful servant.    

In my previous church, I was one of those people who was involved in almost everything and spent on average twenty to thirty hours weekly on church related things.  The pastor at that church once asked me, “What makes you want to spend so much time at church?”  I said, “Because of what Jesus did for me.  Even though He was without sin, He died on the cross for my sins and washed me white as snow.  I’m indebted to Jesus.  Because He gave His life for me, I ought to give my life to Him.”  Which, to be honest, I thought was a pretty good answer, but, to my surprise, my pastor told me to be careful.  He warned me that serving God should be motivated by the joy of receiving salvation and not by feeling indebted to God.  At that time, I wasn’t sure what he meant, but, this year, God taught me what my pastor meant.  It wasn’t a particular sermon, a particular Bible study, or a particular daily devotion, but it was a combination of attending weekly Sunday Worship, studying the Bible in fellowship weekly, going to the retreat, and reading His Word daily.  And I realized that, indeed, I was serving Him with the wrong heart. 

First, I realized that when I served Him with a feeling of being indebted, it affected my relationship with God and with my brothers and sisters.  When everything goes well, I am tempted to be arrogant.  “See, this is why God saved me.”  On the other hand, when things don’t go well, I am tempted to be angry at myself and at those around me.  “I have failed God.  He saved me.  He gave me his life, but I couldn’t even do anything for Him.  I owe Him so much, yet I couldn’t even do this little thing for Him.”  When I am motivated by feeling indebted to God, my eyes are focused on me, on what I can do, rather than on God, on what He has done.  A couple of weeks ago, when brother Alex preached on the difference between “accumulating merits” and “faith”, I realized that serving with a feeling of being indebted, with a feeling of trying to pay off my debt to Jesus is just another way of “accumulating merits”. 

Second, by serving Him with a feeling of being indebted, I also cheapen the Gospel.  Let me explain with an analogy.  Imagine one day, the president of the United States gives you the Hope Diamond.  For those who don’t know, the Hope Diamond is a 45-carat diamond valued at about 300 million.  How would you have reacted?  Would you have said, “Geez, Mr. President, that is so generous of you.  How about I treat you to the McDonalds that’s just around the corner?” This reaction would have cheapened the Hope Diamond and the nice gesture by the President.  Similarly, when I serve God out of a feeling of being indebted, I cheapen the Gospel and I cheapen Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.  There’s nothing I can do, except to simply believe, receive, and thank God for what He has done.  Focusing on myself, focusing on how I’m indebted to God, and how I ought to do only cheapen God’s grace. 

Recently, we read Luke 20:19-26, the passage on whether one should pay taxes to Caesar.  We discussed the difference between “paying taxes” and “rendering to God the things that are God’s”.  When a person pays taxes, you think of the money as your own, and you’re giving your own money away.  On the other hand, Jesus is telling us to think about what things are God’s.  It helped me realize that in the past, when I served out of feeling indebted, I was thinking of my time, my money, my talents, as “mine”, and not as God’s.  But if I serve by focusing on God and focusing on what God has given me, I realize that God has given me everything in my life, and since I received them freely, I should freely give them away. 

Let me give a couple of examples.  I am really thankful for Luke.  He has been an amazing baby.  He eats so well and sleeps so well.  Because of how well-behaving he is, I had a lot of extra time and energy that I did not think I would have.  When I served out of feeling indebted to God, I would tell myself that I ought to give some of this extra time and energy to God and, then, have some time for myself.  It’s as if I’ve earned this extra time and energy, and these extra time and energy are mine to decide what to do.  But, I did not earn this extra time and energy.  It is God’s grace and mercy.  It is God’s grace that Luke is so wonderful.  Since God has freely given me these extra time and energy, I can freely give them away by serving God and serving others.  I am also really thankful for Tracy.  She has been amazing at taking care of Luke and sharing the burden.  As a result, I have some extra time which I can use to serve her, such as spending extra time preparing her favorite meals or doing all the chores around the house, so that she has more time to rest. 

Instead of serving out of feeling indebted, I now serve out of being thankful to God, out of God’s abundant grace and mercy.  I serve out of knowing that God has freely given me everything in my life.  As Paul said 2 Corinthians 9:9, “As it is written, ‘He has distributed freely, he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.’”  Thank God for showing me how to be a cheerful giver, and teaching me how to serve out of the joy of receiving God’s salvation.

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