Ryan H. Lee
今年是Ryan第一次參加YSMP，這次的宣教旅程他都有什麼樣難忘的經歷和深刻的收穫呢？
我的角色：藉著神的恩典教導
這是我第一次參加YSMP，也是我的第一次宣教旅程。我被安排擔任在Whiteriver的阿帕契族成人聖經教師。正如宣教工作經常會面臨的挑戰一樣，我必須保持彈性靈活，並應對許多臨時的變化。由於現場負責同工因突發的緊急手術而無法參加，DC須接手他的工作，於是在最後一刻我得面對許多事務。
我的職責包括擔任成人聖經學習的主要教師、小組領袖，並帶領我們的宣教團隊進行晨更。此外，我還自願籌備了兩場臨時的教學課程（由於突發狀況, 我在前一晚才能準備）：福音傳播課程與戶外默想課程，以及一次見證分享會。在創建這些教材的過程中, 我經歷了神的恩典。比如，當我們在山頂默想時，聖靈親自觸摸了我，神透過祂的普遍啟示（創造）和特殊啟示（聖經）啟發並激勵了我。
我的罪與疑惑：我的確信與神的恩典
我們與C3教會的弟兄姊妹一起同心服事，我們在那一週謙卑地為Whiteriver的阿帕契族社區提供了聖經學習課程、烹飪課、籃球營、手工藝活動、兒童聖經學校 (VBS)，以及一場電影之夜。我們彼此相愛，正如基督愛我們一樣，我們也將這份愛分享給我們的鄰舍。因著神的恩典，牧師的妻子Paula告訴我們，這次參加教會活動的人數創下新高，同時也是她記憶中願意信主人數最多的一次！
然而，有一件事深深地困擾著我。儘管其他人看不出來，我非常焦慮和煩亂，雖然我平時擅長且熱愛與人有持續性的聯繫與關懷，但是這次在我所有的服事中，我卻無法與當地的男性建立這樣的關係。我特別指出「男性」，是因為根據當地的習俗，公開場合中通常相同性別的人會在一起。而在此次所有的活動中，女性人數遠遠超過男性，大約是10比1。因為我們的男性教師多於來參加的阿帕契男性訪客，於是我被安排加入女性的小組。雖然我並不介意服事女性，但在這裡確實存在著傳統文化中的性別障礙。
YSMP快結束時，我內心深處感覺得自己被排除在上帝這次精心帶領的「大豐收」之外，因為我沒有能夠帶領一個人信主。我甚至會感到嫉妒且羨慕其他人能夠輕而易舉地做到。雖然我站在宣教的前線，卻覺得自己並沒能完成「大使命」，為此我感到非常沮喪。
然而就在YSMP的最後一天, 神為我行了一件奇妙的事。一對參加成人聖經學習課程的基督徒夫婦送給我一個足球造型的陶瓷點心盤, 他們說送給我是因為他們認為我的教導非常好，他們也留下了電子郵件地址，讓我以後可以將更多的課程資料寄給他們。我很感謝這對夫婦，並讚美神藉著這件事讓我看到祂對我事奉的肯定。
不久之後，我遇到了Amare，一位18歲的年輕人，他是Whiteriver浸信會的成員。他曾經與我有過些互動，也參加了幾次我的教學。最後一晚，他送給我一條Dream Catcher項鍊，我向他表達謝意，也詢問這條項鍊的意義。他告訴我，這是他父親在他小的時候製作的，當時機成熟時，他要將它送給一位他信任的男性，而他決定要送給我。當下我非常驚訝。我覺得自己並不配得到如此珍貴的禮物，尤其是我們認識的時間很短。然而，我還是謙卑地接受了，並再次感謝神。
直到後來，我才將這兩件事和我與DC之前的一次深夜談話聯繫起來。那時DC剛剛從神學院畢業，而我還在Gateway神學院學習，我們滿懷希望地談到我們將來在主裡的計劃。我們討論了提摩太前書和提多書中有關成為長老與牧師的資格：只做一個婦人的丈夫，兒女也是信主的，管理好神的家，等等。這些都是對品格的描述。然而，只有一項要求不是品格特質，而是一種恩賜或技能，那就是「善於教導」。執事雖然不需具備這一特定恩賜，但他們必須具備與長老相同的其他品格。
那時我才意識到，在上帝對我的肯定中帶著他的奇異恩典。我在YSMP的後期掙扎於未能參與神的豐收，犯下了嫉妒的罪。然而神仍然賜給我寬恕的恩典：一對基督徒夫婦肯定了我的「教導恩賜」，而他們的教會成員Amare信任我的「品格」。神正通過阿帕契原住民教會清楚地告訴我：「Ryan，我寬恕你嫉妒的罪。同時我也賜你在我的教會做牧師與教師的能力。雖然你有心服事，然而你未必會在每件事工中有份（例如領人信主、預備飯食、款待遠人等），因為我對你有特別的呼召，要你去「裝備聖徒」（以弗所書4:12）
最後，在Amare離開教堂後，我跑去找他，因為我覺得應該回贈給他一個有意義的東西，而當時我身上最重要的物品，是一頂限量版的舊金山巨人隊的棒球帽，這是我在Gateway神學院院長退休歡送會上得到的（我的前任院長曾是巨人隊的隨隊牧師，在他擔任牧師期間，球隊曾三次贏得了美國職棒大聯盟總冠軍賽的冠軍）。我把這頂帽子送給了Amare，因為我在他身上看到了Whiteriver未來的屬靈領袖。宣教最困難的就是確保當地人不會永遠依賴宣教士。在當地社區有自己的教會領袖、不再需要宣教士之前，宣教的工作就還沒有完成。
我很高興Amare仍然與我保持聯繫，他想來洛杉磯看我和DC弟兄。我希望能帶他參觀Gateway神學院（正如上帝所預備的，Gateway神學院在亞利桑那州也有分校）。
在我們能在當地使人成為主的門徒，裝備他們帶領自己的教會，並能培育其他人也成為主的門徒之前，讓我們不要停止我們的宣教事工。「但願他在教會中，並在基督耶穌裡，得著榮耀，直到世世代代，永永遠遠。阿們。」（以弗所書3:21）
以下為英文原文：
God’s Grace to Pardon and emPower
MY ROLE: Teaching by God’s Grace
This is my first YSMP, and my first mission trip. I was slated and I fulfilled my role as a Teacher for the adult Apache at White River. As missions often go, I had to be flexible and many things were thrown at me at the last minute as the Site Leader stepped down and DC stepped up due to an unforeseen emergency surgery right before the mission.
I had my assigned duties of Adult Bible Study Lead Teacher, Small Group Leader, and I led our mission team in a Morning Devotional. On top of that I also volunteered to create two ad hoc teaching sessions (due to unforeseen circumstances, I was forced to create lessons the night before): an Evangelism class, and an Outdoor Mediation; as well as a Testimony Sharing. The process of creating the material to teach was sheerly by God’s grace. For example, Christ visited me on a mountain top and the Spirit would inspire me from His first revelation (creation) & then by His second/written revelation (Scripture).
MY SIN & DOUBT: My Affirmation: God’s Grace
As you heard from my sisters and DC before me, the church (both CBC and C3) worked in unity with one another. We humbly served the Apache community of White River for that week with Bible Studies, cooking classes, basketball camps, crafts, VBS, and a movie night. We love one another, as Christ loved us, and we loved and reached out to our neighbors. And by God’s grace, the greatest number of people came to the White River Baptist Church than ever before (per the account of Paula, the pastor’s wife), and the most professions to Christ in recent memory!
But something was bothering me deeply. Though most people couldn’t tell: I was very distressed and distraught, that in all my teaching, and ad hoc preparation, I was not able to have long standing and continuous contact with the men of the Apache community—something I’m normally good at and love to do. I say men, specifically, because there is Native custom where men are with men, and women are generally with women publicly. And it just so happened that in all the events, women outnumber men ~10:1. So, I was asked to join the women’s small groups because we had more men teachers than Apache men visitors. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed working with the women, but there was a cultural gender barrier present.
By the end of YSMP, deep down inside, I felt I was being left out of the major harvest that God had orchestrated because I had not brought a single person to Christ. I even felt jealous and envious of my brethren who seemed to be doing this so easily and in droves. I was on the mission field, and I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing the Great Commission. I was disheartened.
But God did something wonderful on the last day of YSMP. A Christian married couple who had come to the Adult Bible Study gave me a football ceramic snack dish. And they said they wanted to give it to me because they thought my teaching was good. And they gave me their email address so I could send them further lessons I had in the future. I thanked the couple and praised God for that affirmation.
Soon after, I met with Amare, a 18 year old young man who was a member at White River Baptist Church. He had interacted with me and sat under some of my teaching. When he came up to me on the last night, he gave me a Dream Catcher necklace. I thanked him as well, but asked about the significance of the necklace. He said it was made by his father when he was a child, and he was to give it to a man that he trusted, when the time came. And he decided it was me.
I was taken aback. I immediately felt unworthy of such a gesture, especially since he had known me for such a short time. But I received it humbly. And thanked God as well.
It was only later that I connected these last two incidents with one of the late night talks I had with DC, who was my roommate. DC had just graduated seminary, and I was still studying at Gateway Seminary. We discussed our plans with hope, in Christ. And we were discussing 1 Timothy and Titus, the qualifications of being an elder/pastor: husband of one wife, having obedient children, managing his household well, etc. All these were descriptors to portray the character of the pastor. However, there is only one requirement that is not a character trait, rather it is a gift/skill: “able to teach.” A specific skill that deacons don’t have to have, though they have to have all the same character traits as an elder.
That was when I realized God’s amazing grace in his affirmation. I had been battling being left out of the harvest, and having the sin of jealousy and envy during the latter portion of YSMP. Yet God would still give me His Pardoning grace: a Christian couple to affirm my “ability to teach,” and Amare, a member of their church to trust in my “character.” God was using the Native Apache church to say clearly, “Ryan, I pardon you of your sin of envy and jealousy. And I am emPowering you to be a Pastor/Teacher for my church. You may not always be able to do the work of the ministry [e.g. harvest, cooking/hospitality]—though it is good you have a heart for it— because I have specifically called you out to equip the saints (Eph. 4:12).”
The last thing I want to point out: I ran to Amare after he left the church premises. I felt compelled to give him something that was of worth, back to him. And the most important thing I had was the limited edition Gateway Seminary SF Giants Baseball Cap that I got during my Seminary President’s Retirement Party (my former President was the Chaplain of the Giants, and when he was their Chaplain they won 3 World Series Championships). And I gave it to Amare, because I saw in him the future spiritual leadership of White River. The hardest thing about missions is making sure the Natives don’t depend on the missionaries forever. A missionaries job is NOT done, until (s)he is no longer needed and the native community is raising up their own church leaders.
I’m happy to say Amare is still in contact with me, and he wants to visit LA shortly and see me and DC. My hope is to show him to Gateway Seminary (where, as God would have it, Gateway also has an Arizona branch as well).
May our missionary work NOT be done until we fully disciple a people; equipping the natives to lead their own churches and be disciple makers themselves; “to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” (Eph. 3:21)
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