Ryan H. Lee

今年是Ryan第一次参加YSMP，这次的宣教旅程他都有什么样难忘的经历和深刻的收获呢？

我的角色：借着神的恩典教导

这是我第一次参加YSMP，也是我的第一次宣教旅程。我被安排担任在Whiteriver的阿帕契族成人圣经教师。正如宣教工作经常会面临的挑战一样，我必须保持弹性灵活，并应对许多临时的变化。由于现场负责同工因突发的紧急手术而无法参加，DC须接手他的工作，于是在最后一刻我得面对许多事务。

我的职责包括担任成人圣经学习的主要教师、小组领袖，并带领我们的宣教团队进行晨更。此外，我还自愿筹备了两场临时的教学课程（由于突发状况, 我在前一晚才能准备）：福音传播课程与户外默想课程，以及一次见证分享会。在创建这些教材的过程中, 我经历了神的恩典。比如，当我们在山顶默想时，圣灵亲自触摸了我，神透过祂的普遍启示（创造）和特殊启示（圣经）启发并激励了我。

我的罪与疑惑：我的确信与神的恩典

我们与C3教会的弟兄姊妹一起同心服事，我们在那一周谦卑地为Whiteriver的阿帕契族社区提供了圣经学习课程、烹饪课、篮球营、手工艺活动、儿童圣经学校 (VBS)，以及一场电影之夜。我们彼此相爱，正如基督爱我们一样，我们也将这份爱分享给我们的邻舍。因着神的恩典，牧师的妻子Paula告诉我们，这次参加教会活动的人数创下新高，同时也是她记忆中愿意信主人数最多的一次！

然而，有一件事深深地困扰着我。尽管其他人看不出来，我非常焦虑和烦乱，虽然我平时擅长且热爱与人有持续性的联系与关怀，但是这次在我所有的服事中，我却无法与当地的男性建立这样的关系。我特别指出「男性」，是因为根据当地的习俗，公开场合中通常相同性别的人会在一起。而在此次所有的活动中，女性人数远远超过男性，大约是10比1。因为我们的男性教师多于来参加的阿帕契男性访客，于是我被安排加入女性的小组。虽然我并不介意服事女性，但在这里确实存在着传统文化中的性别障碍。

YSMP快结束时，我内心深处感觉得自己被排除在上帝这次精心带领的「大丰收」之外，因为我没有能够带领一个人信主。我甚至会感到嫉妒且羡慕其他人能够轻而易举地做到。虽然我站在宣教的前线，却觉得自己并没能完成「大使命」，为此我感到非常沮丧。

然而就在YSMP的最后一天,  神为我行了一件奇妙的事。一对参加成人圣经学习课程的基督徒夫妇送给我一个足球造型的陶瓷点心盘, 他们说送给我是因为他们认为我的教导非常好，他们也留下了电子邮件地址，让我以后可以将更多的课程资料寄给他们。我很感谢这对夫妇，并赞美神借着这件事让我看到祂对我事奉的肯定。

不久之后，我遇到了Amare，一位18岁的年轻人，他是Whiteriver浸信会的成员。他曾经与我有过些互动，也参加了几次我的教学。最后一晚，他送给我一条Dream Catcher项链，我向他表达谢意，也询问这条项链的意义。他告诉我，这是他父亲在他小的时候制作的，当时机成熟时，他要将它送给一位他信任的男性，而他决定要送给我。当下我非常惊讶。我觉得自己并不配得到如此珍贵的礼物，尤其是我们认识的时间很短。然而，我还是谦卑地接受了，并再次感谢神。

直到后来，我才将这两件事和我与DC之前的一次深夜谈话联系起来。那时DC刚刚从神学院毕业，而我还在Gateway神学院学习，我们满怀希望地谈到我们将来在主里的计划。我们讨论了提摩太前书和提多书中有关成为长老与牧师的资格：只做一个妇人的丈夫，儿女也是信主的，管理好神的家，等等。这些都是对品格的描述。然而，只有一项要求不是品格特质，而是一种恩赐或技能，那就是「善于教导」。执事虽然不需具备这一特定恩赐，但他们必须具备与长老相同的其他品格。

那时我才意识到，在上帝对我的肯定中带着他的奇异恩典。我在YSMP的后期挣扎于未能参与神的丰收，犯下了嫉妒的罪。然而神仍然赐给我宽恕的恩典：一对基督徒夫妇肯定了我的「教导恩赐」，而他们的教会成员Amare信任我的「品格」。神正通过阿帕契原住民教会清楚地告诉我：「Ryan，我宽恕你嫉妒的罪。同时我也赐你在我的教会做牧师与教师的能力。虽然你有心服事，然而你未必会在每件事工中有份（例如领人信主、预备饭食、款待远人等），因为我对你有特别的呼召，要你去「装备圣徒」（以弗所书4:12）

最后，在Amare离开教堂后，我跑去找他，因为我觉得应该回赠给他一个有意义的东西，而当时我身上最重要的物品，是一顶限量版的旧金山巨人队的棒球帽，这是我在Gateway神学院院长退休欢送会上得到的（我的前任院长曾是巨人队的随队牧师，在他担任牧师期间，球队曾三次赢得了美国职棒大联盟总冠军赛的冠军）。我把这顶帽子送给了Amare，因为我在他身上看到了Whiteriver未来的属灵领袖。宣教最困难的就是确保当地人不会永远依赖宣教士。在当地社区有自己的教会领袖、不再需要宣教士之前，宣教的工作就还没有完成。

我很高兴Amare仍然与我保持联系，他想来洛杉矶看我和DC弟兄。我希望能带他参观Gateway神学院（正如上帝所预备的，Gateway神学院在亚利桑那州也有分校）。

在我们能在当地使人成为主的门徒，装备他们带领自己的教会，并能培育其他人也成为主的门徒之前，让我们不要停止我们的宣教事工。「但愿他在教会中，并在基督耶稣里，得着荣耀，直到世世代代，永永远远。阿们。」（以弗所书3:21）

以下为英文原文：

God’s Grace to Pardon and emPower

MY ROLE: Teaching by God’s Grace

This is my first YSMP, and my first mission trip.  I was slated and I fulfilled my role as a Teacher for the adult Apache at White River.  As missions often go, I had to be flexible and many things were thrown at me at the last minute as the Site Leader stepped down and DC stepped up due to an unforeseen emergency surgery right before the mission.  

I had my assigned duties of Adult Bible Study Lead Teacher, Small Group Leader, and I led our mission team in a Morning Devotional.  On top of that I also volunteered to create two ad hoc teaching sessions (due to unforeseen circumstances, I was forced to create lessons the night before): an Evangelism class, and an Outdoor Mediation; as well as a Testimony Sharing. The process of creating the material to teach was sheerly by God’s grace.  For example, Christ visited me on a mountain top and the Spirit would inspire me from His first revelation (creation) & then by His second/written revelation (Scripture).

MY SIN & DOUBT: My Affirmation: God’s Grace

As you heard from my sisters and DC before me, the church (both CBC and C3) worked in unity with one another.  We humbly served the Apache community of White River for that week with Bible Studies, cooking classes, basketball camps, crafts, VBS, and a movie night.  We love one another, as Christ loved us, and we loved and reached out to our neighbors.  And by God’s grace, the greatest number of people came to the White River Baptist Church than ever before (per the account of Paula, the pastor’s wife), and the most professions to Christ in recent memory!

But something was bothering me deeply.  Though most people couldn’t tell: I was very distressed and distraught, that in all my teaching, and ad hoc preparation, I was not able to have long standing and continuous contact with the men of the Apache community—something I’m normally good at and love to do.  I say men, specifically, because there is Native custom where men are with men, and women are generally with women publicly.  And it just so happened that in all the events, women outnumber men ~10:1.  So, I was asked to join the women’s small groups because we had more men teachers than Apache men visitors.  Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed working with the women, but there was a cultural gender barrier present.

By the end of YSMP, deep down inside, I felt I was being left out of the major harvest that God had orchestrated because I had not brought a single person to Christ.  I even felt jealous and envious of my brethren who seemed to be doing this so easily and in droves.  I was on the mission field, and I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing the Great Commission.  I was disheartened.

But God did something wonderful on the last day of YSMP.  A Christian married couple who had come to the Adult Bible Study gave me a football ceramic snack dish.  And they said they wanted to give it to me because they thought my teaching was good.  And they gave me their email address so I could send them further lessons I had in the future.  I thanked the couple and praised God for that affirmation.

Soon after, I met with Amare, a 18 year old young man who was a member at White River Baptist Church.  He had interacted with me and sat under some of my teaching.  When he came up to me on the last night, he gave me a Dream Catcher necklace.  I thanked him as well, but asked about the significance of the necklace.  He said it was made by his father when he was a child, and he was to give it to a man that he trusted, when the time came.  And he decided it was me.

I was taken aback.  I immediately felt unworthy of such a gesture, especially since he had known me for such a short time.  But I received it humbly.  And thanked God as well.

It was only later that I connected these last two incidents with one of the late night talks I had with DC, who was my roommate.  DC had just graduated seminary, and I was still studying at Gateway Seminary.  We discussed our plans with hope, in Christ.  And we were discussing 1 Timothy and Titus, the qualifications of being an elder/pastor: husband of one wife, having obedient children, managing his household well, etc.  All these were descriptors to portray the character of the pastor.  However, there is only one requirement that is not a character trait, rather it is a gift/skill: “able to teach.” A specific skill that deacons don’t have to have, though they have to have all the same character traits as an elder.

That was when I realized God’s amazing grace in his affirmation.  I had been battling being left out of the harvest, and having the sin of jealousy and envy during the latter portion of YSMP.  Yet God would still give me His Pardoning grace:  a Christian couple to affirm my “ability to teach,” and Amare, a member of their church to trust in my “character.”  God was using the Native Apache church to say clearly, “Ryan, I pardon you of your sin of envy and jealousy.  And I am emPowering you to be a Pastor/Teacher for my church.  You may not always be able to do the work of the ministry [e.g. harvest, cooking/hospitality]—though it is good you have a heart for it— because I have specifically called you out to equip the saints (Eph. 4:12).”

The last thing I want to point out: I ran to Amare after he left the church premises.  I felt compelled to give him something that was of worth, back to him.  And the most important thing I had was the limited edition Gateway Seminary SF Giants Baseball Cap that I got during my Seminary President’s Retirement Party (my former President was the Chaplain of the Giants, and when he was their Chaplain they won 3 World Series Championships).  And I gave it to Amare, because I saw in him the future spiritual leadership of White River.  The hardest thing about missions is making sure the Natives don’t depend on the missionaries forever.  A missionaries job is NOT done, until (s)he is no longer needed and the native community is raising up their own church leaders.

I’m happy to say Amare is still in contact with me, and he wants to visit LA shortly and see me and DC.  My hope is to show him to Gateway Seminary (where, as God would have it, Gateway also has an Arizona branch as well).  

May our missionary work NOT be done until we fully disciple a people; equipping the natives to lead their own churches and be disciple makers themselves;  “to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.  Amen.” (Eph. 3:21)

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