Lillian Hsiao
This is a collection of some thoughts and prayers from my semester in Taiwan. During that time, I had a lot of time to think, and turning to writing helped me process and document my thoughts. My hope is that some of this might be relatable or encouraging to anyone who might read it.
The dates shown here are approximate, but still represent the chronological order of the reflections.
- Auntie’s Wisdom, April 2, 2025
As my heart aches for the lost,
may I stop tugging God along,
demanding that I see “progress” according to my own timeline.
Instead, may I join God in the work that he is already doing,
and praise him for promises that are yet to be fulfilled.
- The Unchanging One, April 2, 2025
Being by myself in a new country is really lonely sometimes.
For awhile I was lost, feeling like everything and everyone I knew was far far away.
Then I realized that the one thing that has not changed is the God by my side. My relationship with him transcends oceans and time zones;
He is with me in uncharted waters. When no one else knows me, when there are no roles i have to fill, or expectations for me to meet,
He whispers to me,“You are still my daughter; you never had any expectations to meet with me.”
- Man of Sorrows, April 8, 2025
I’ve been arguing with God Lord, where is your love for these people?
Can you show me that you mean it when you say you love the world? And desire that all come to you?
One Sunday the pastor says during his sermon, “We are never lonely. The only one who was truly ever lonely was Jesus, when he took all our sins on that cross.” Wow. God never ever ever forsakes us. Yet he forsook his Son. The One who had the closest relationship with the Father, the One who lived out full obedience to the Father, He was the One who experienced the full rejection of the Father, crying out “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” as he bore the weight of all our sin. Is that not the greatest love? That the Most Perfect would suffer in the most painful way for the imperfect? That the Most Righteous would come down to earth Himself to seek and save the lost? That I will never know true loneliness, because the man of sorrows endured true loneliness for me? “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.” – Isaiah 53:3-4
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:13
- Peace, April 20, 2025
I talked to someone at church yesterday. He is young, recently engaged, leading and planning different ministries for the summer, and last week suddenly was diagnosed with cancer. “Are you nervous?” I ask him. “Actually, no” he says. Sometimes people can say that and fake it, but I sensed this genuine calmness about him. “I know it’s all in God’s hands.” When I don’t sense peace in my own life, when I question the goodness of God, when I doubt His all-surpassing presence, can I not look towards these people? draw strength from their assurance? How arrogant and unbelieving would I have to be to deny their inexplicable peace and say that I know better, that “sovereign God” is just a coping mechanism and that their hope lives only within their own minds? Lord, destroy my arrogance. Help my unbelief.
- “You”, April 24, 2025
My commutes to and from school are probably my loneliest. Sometimes the sun is shining and I’m completely content, sometimes it’s raining and yet my spirits are high; yet many times, I’m grouchy and feeling oh, so lonely. I start complaining to God. “God, where are you in all this??” I see some middle schoolers on their bikes, I see an old man smoking on the side of the street, a 老板娘 takes an order for fresh dumplings. God, where are you in all of these people’s lives? These thoughts cloud my mind and I spiral even further into thinking God is distant, that surely he is not wholly good if so many people in the world do not know him, will not choose him. On one particularly low walk home I say outloud, “Jesus, where are you in all this?” even waving my hands at “all this” in exasperation. Even before I finish that thought, another thought rings loud and clear
“You are supposed to be in all this.” I pause, surprised because that thought has never occurred to me before, surprised because the “you” made such a strong impression. Kinda like the thought was not a voice that I heard, but a feeling that I felt, and that “you” was like something pressing on my heart. And I immediately understood what that thought meant. I—or all of God’s people— am to be God’s tangible presence in this world.
Acts 1:8
2 Corinthians 5:17-20
- Mercies: new every morn’, May 15, 2025
Lord, thank you that in my darkest moments of questioning you, you gave me enough to hold on to for that day. When it was questioning if you existed, if everything I “knew” about you was a lie, you sent Cara to tap me on the shoulder just as I was about to stand up, and she asked to pray for me. Little did we know that she had gone through an extremely similar situation before. That was enough for me to hold on and turn to your Word in my doubt. When it was questioning if you were good, if you truly cared about the people of this world, I asked Joy, “Where is God? How is he working in the lives of all these people?” We got up after dinner and a new acquaintance of Joy walks up to us and says, “Joy, you go to church right? I want to go to church with you.” After this, you reminded me from Josh’s sermon that it is not that you do not show yourself to us, it’s that you’ve already given us your word, revealed to us your will, but we choose to not listen.
I am deciding to humble my heart before you, to recognize that Lord, the earth is just a footstool for your feet. I am deciding to obey you, strive to glorify you in all I do, trusting that you are working.
I offer my life to you to be used by you, Lord. And I don’t need to see the fruits, the “miracles”, to obey.
I trust that you are working.
