Ryan H. Lee

“[We do] not grieve like people who have no hope.” (1 Thes. 4:13)

Ryan弟兄在感恩見證會上分享了母親的信主與離世經歷，透過這篇見證，我們看到天父的愛能將悲傷化為盼望，以及神奇妙的恩典和安排，願這份信心鼓勵每一位弟兄姊妹！

Introduction

My mom “suddenly” passed away just last month in October. My mom was a wonderful mother and person.  She for a great portion of my (and my siblings’) life raised us up as a single-mom in love, strength, and self sacrifice. She was single-handedly the best role model and mentor I could have asked for (and didn’t fully recognize it until she passed). And for those of us who still have parents—we who are children—if your parents showed you love, recognize that your parents are likely your superheroes, even if you don’t know it now…I’m forever thankful to my mom. I thank God for her.  

But my story isn’t about her whole life, rather I’m focusing on the last months of her life, and how much love God showed her. I had the privilege to care of my mom in the last months of her life when Stage 4 Breast Cancer took (not her life), but rather took her to Heaven, directly to Jesus.

God’s Premonition About My Mother

I didn’t know it at the time, but God gave me a premonition—a strong feeling that something was about to happen—regarding the trial I would have caring for my mom and her death.  It was during this summer’s YSMP mission trip (an annual mission trip that our church goes to in order to reach out to the Apache Native Americans in Arizona), that I began crying during a normal prayer session at the end of a Bible Study, asking for prayer for my mom.  I didn’t fully understand what it meant at the time, because it was July of this year and my mom was still fully independent living in Chicago pretty much by herself.  It was later that the pastor’s wife of the White Mountain Apache Baptist Church approach me and spoke/prayed over me saying: “You never know with stage 4 cancer.  My mom and other family members have died from cancer.  It’s like a rollercoaster: one day they are healthy and fine, the next they maybe close to dying.  And then the bounce back.  It can be like this for years.  And so the day they finally do pass away, your left reeling as it comes a surprise.  It blind sides you.  Here let me pray for strength for you.”  How right she was.

God’s Providence For My Mother

For almost the last 10 years, since I became a Christian, I was worried my about my mom’s salvation.  Especially because she had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer 2012, and then thankfully was cancer free—or in remission for 5 years—and then sadly she relapsed into Stage 4 Metastatic Cancer (spread to multiple/many places in her body).  Over the years, I would constantly pray, share the gospel to my mom hoping to see transformation, evidence of a deep trust  and love for Christ.

I thank God, that just last September my mom made not only a statement to follow Christ (after hearing a sermon about the Cost of following Jesus in Luke 9) but she said that she would step outside of her comfort zone and leave her home in Chicago, her medical team who had taken care of her, and all she was familiar with to follow God and go with me to California.  My mom no longer felt peace in Chicago and she was also no longer able to care for herself, and decided that her peace lay in the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ.  In fact, she left Chicago almost immediately after yet another of her ever more frequent hospitalizations. Even her own longtime Oncologist was worried for her frailty and ability to travel (she was only 80 lbs and nearly every major organ system had cancer invading).

She also made a statement of faith with an authority I’ve never heard my mom ever say before: “I will follow God to LA, and you [addressing my older sister, Michele] should follow God as well.” Remember this statement of faith, and word to my sister, for it will come up again later in my story.

Once my mom was in LA, by the grace of God, I saw the providence of God for my mom.  Initially I mistook these blessings, and thought they were for the extension of my mom’s earthly life.  We connected her to a well renowned Oncologist in LA who had many new treatments to offer my mom.  Also, miraculously she got all of her insurance from the State covered right when she landed in California.  This was miraculous because “legally” she was only supposed to get her insurance the beginning of this month (Nov 1st), she would already have passed by then.  It was actually so stressful that myself and my sisters tried to call Senators and Governors to overturn this logistical “rule.”  But no one could change it.  However, my mom eventually received her insurance by a “fluke accident” when in the mail she received a letter saying all her insurance had been approved Sept 1st even before she had landed in LA!  There was no explaining this: this could only be the Providence of God!

Two times my mom went to the ER in LA, and both times it was like parting of the Red Sea!  I remember the first time, my mom was severely short of breath and had fluid collecting around her lungs from the cancer.  I remember praying for swiftness to get my mom to and through the ER.  And when I arrived I drove directly to the door of the ER entrance, and despite the fact that the ER itself was busy, “Luckily” no one else was in the waiting room.  My mom received a bed and treatment within minutes! But what’s even crazier, was that when I went back outside to grab something from the car, the waiting room was completely full, and the ER driveway/parking lot was full and had a line of cars waiting.  God in His providence parted the Red Sea of people, and found the perfect timing for my mom to go to the ER.  I exclaimed to my mom how much God loved her and wanted her to keep on living and fighting.

God’s Providence For Me

I was, of course, only half right.  In hindsight, I now saw all of these providences, not as means to extend my mom’s life by a sovereign God; but rather as a way to relieve my mom’s heavy anxieties (appropriate access to doctors, insurance, and to reliable ERs) by a loving Heavenly Father.  More than simply making statements of faith to follow Jesus; mom was a child of God!  God loved to bless and comfort via His Providence his daughter.  She even bore spiritual fruit after her death!  If you remember my sister, Michele, and my mom’s prophetic words to her.  It came true!  My sister indeed “followed God!”  But it was only after the death of my mom, and because of my mom.  My sister was confronted by my mom’s great love and sacrifice for her (my sister is in a wheelchair and needed her care even when mom was battling Stage 4 Cancer)—and her own difficult relationship with mom—led her to a new and deeper appreciation of Christ’s love and sacrifice for her.  I was OVERJOYED in my grief of losing my mom, KNOWING she is with Christ!  Therefore, I do “not grieve like people who have no hope.” (1 Thes. 4:13), but instead, by faith, I know my mom has no more pain nor suffering; and now I feel even closer to my mom now than ever, as I get to speak to my mother-in-heaven every time I pray to my Heavenly Father.

In this past month I’ve also reflected, A LOT.  And I started to connect a lot of dots.  I just received [this] Bible from my two sisters as a gift during this trying time.  I wasn’t even able to read my Bible regularly during this time because I had just gone through so much. So, I did something I could by putting in the “Marriages,” “Births,” and “Deaths” Sections. And this is God’s Providence Revealed: My mom’s premonition was during YSMP: it started July 5 (Michele’s Birthday); and ended July 13 (the date of birth of my niece, Matilda who has a unique genetic feature my mom has).  And my mom died on Oct 14, 2024 (Indigenous People’s Day – like the Apache people!).  God in the Bible often layers His Providences.  For example, when I quit my full time job as a doctor to go to seminary three years ago—it was for God and His kingdom first—but by making that decision “the rest” was also provided for me (Mat. 6:33): it allowed time and attention to care for my wife, my son, my mental health, and even 3 years later, to care for my ailing mother at the very end.

Conclusion: Confidence in God’s Providence

So I implore you: as you reach out with the gospel: Do so in the Confidence in God’s Providence.  God is with you!  And He is working all things for the good (Rm. 8:28)! And in regard for your family, whether it be a prodigal son or an ailing grandparent:  They may not be ready to accept the gospel today, tomorrow, or even for years.  But you, who are a child of God, but also a parent, a child, or a grandchild; a brother, a sister, or even a cousin—you have a bond and relationship that can stand the test of time.  With this precious time, witness with a consistent LIFESTYLE of Holiness that is a testament to God’s power.  And as you consistently speak the gospel, in God’s perfect timing, souls will be won from darkness to light, by God’s grace.  

So don’t be anxious about if-and-when a loved one will accept the gospel, as I was even until the end.  Because if you do, you may fall into the one regret I had in this entire ordeal with my mother’s passing: it was letting my fear and anxiety hinder my tenderness to her.  For I found myself encouraging my mom more like a solider as I fought beside her, fighting for life.  Which is what she wanted, and what was necessary… I just wished I was more tender to my mom in the end, for I didn’t know my mom was going to pass.  And I sorely misread God’s providences as a means for saving my mom’s earthly life.  

So the last word I’d like to give you are Jesus’ words when he encouraged his disciples [you] to spread the gospel, He said: “I am with you always” (Mat. 28:20).  Therefore, when you speak the gospel in truth and love and tenderness, all of God’s providence, more than that: God himself in Christ is “with you always.”  Go, therefore, in confidence, in Christ, and in love to those around you: share Jesus.

以下為中文翻譯：

堅信上帝的旨意
「我們不會像沒有指望的人一樣憂傷。」（帖撒羅尼迦前書 4:13）

Ryan H. Lee

引言
今年十月，我的母親「突然」去世了。她是一個非常好的人，也是一位偉大的母親。她一個單親母親憑藉愛、堅毅的精神和自我犧牲，將我和姊姊妹妹們撫養長大。她是我最好的榜樣和導師（直到她去世後，我才完全意識到這一點）。如果你的父母仍健在，如果你的父母向你表達過愛，那麼要知道，他們很可能就是你的超級英雄，即使你現在還沒有發現。我永遠感謝我的母親，也感謝上帝賜予我這樣的母親。然而，今天的故事並不是為了講述母親的一生，而是關於她生命的結束，以及上帝對我母親的愛和恩典。我有幸在母親生命的最後幾個月中照顧她，直到乳腺癌奪走了她的生命（或許更準確地說，是帶她進入了天堂，來到耶穌的身邊）。

上帝給我的關於母親的預感
上帝給了我一個預感——我將照顧我的母親以及見證她的離世。今年夏天的 YSMP 宣教之旅（我們教會每年旨在接觸亞利桑那州阿帕奇印第安人的宣教活動）期間，在一次查經結束後的禱告會中，我忍不住哭泣，請求大家為我的母親祈禱。我當時並不完全明白這意味著什麼，因為在七月的時候，我的母親仍然在芝加哥一個人生活得很好。

當晚，我在禱告會上提出請求後，白山阿帕奇浸信會的師母對我說：「你永遠不知道癌症晚期會怎麼發展。我媽媽和幾位家人都死於癌症。他們的健康狀況就像坐過山車：今天看似完全正常，隔天可能瀕臨死亡，然後又恢復正常，這種情況可能持續好幾年。所以，他們的離去會讓你措手不及。讓我為你祈禱，祈求你有堅強的信心。」

上帝對我母親的眷顧
自從成為基督徒，近十年來，我一直擔心母親是否已信主得救，尤其是她在 2012 年被診斷出乳腺癌後。雖然幸運地成功移除了癌細胞，並有過五年的康復期，但不幸的是，癌症後來復發，進入第四期並轉移到全身多個部位。多年來，我不斷為她禱告，與她分享福音，希望看到她轉變，並對基督展現出深切的信任和愛。

我感謝上帝，就在去年九月，我的母親不僅公開宣告要跟隨基督（當時聽了一篇有關路加福音第 9 章中跟隨耶穌代價的講道），她甚至決定離開自己的舒適區，搬離芝加哥的家，來到加州與我同住。實際上，我們在她第二次出院後不多久就離開了芝加哥。她的主治腫瘤醫生甚至擔心她的體弱無法承受長途旅程（當時她只有80磅，幾乎所有主要器官都被癌症侵蝕），但她堅定地說：「我要跟隨上帝到洛杉磯。」她甚至對我姊姊米歇爾說：「你也應該跟隨上帝。」

當母親到達洛杉磯後，我看到了上帝的眷顧。她奇蹟般地與一位著名的腫瘤專家聯繫上，還獲得了加州的全面醫療保險——儘管按規定她本應在 11 月 1 日才有資格，但她在抵達加州前的 9 月 1 日就已獲批。這只能歸功於上帝的旨意！

母親在洛杉磯去過兩次急診室，兩次都經歷了紅海分開一樣的神蹟！其中一次，她呼吸急促，肺部周圍有積液。我禱告能盡快送她進急診室。當時我直接將車開到急診室門口，候診室裡「幸運地」沒有其他候診病人，母親在幾分鐘內就得到了床位和治療！而當我再回到車上拿東西時，候診室完和急診室車道/停車場都擠滿了人，有一排汽車在排隊。上帝按祂的旨意分開了人海，讓母親在最佳時機去到急診室。我向媽媽感嘆上帝多麼愛她，希望她繼續生活和奮鬥。

上帝對我的眷顧
起先我以為，母親來到洛杉磯前後經歷的種種神蹟，是上帝要延長她在今生的生命，現在看來我誤解了神在這些祝福背後的心意：其實慈愛的天父透過這些事情，緩解了母親嚴重的焦慮，上帝願意安慰祂的女兒。母親也不只是發表跟隨耶穌的信仰宣言：「我是神的孩子！」 她死後還結了靈果！母親曾對我姊姊米歇爾說「你也要跟隨上帝」，它成真了！我姊姊確實「跟隨神」了！而這正是因為母親。我姊姊坐在輪椅上，而母親在癌症晚期也一直照顧她，姊姊經歷著母親對她偉大的愛和犧牲，也使她對基督的愛和犧牲有了更新更深的認識。

失去母親我當然悲傷，但勝過悲傷的是欣喜，因為我知道她與基督在一起！因此，我「不像沒有指望的人那樣憂傷」（帖撒羅尼迦前書 4:13），相反，憑著信心，我知道母親不再有痛苦；現在，我感覺比以往任何時候都更接近她，因為每次我向天父祈禱時，都能與我天上的母親說話。

結語：堅信上帝的旨意
因此，我鼓勵你們：當你傳播福音時，要堅信上帝的旨意。上帝一直與你同在，並使萬事互相效力（羅馬書 8:28）。不論你的親人目前是否準備好接受福音，只要你堅定不移地以聖潔的生活為見證，時機成熟時，他們必因上帝的恩典而轉變。願我們都能以信心、愛心與耶穌基督同在的力量，繼續傳講祂的名！

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