怀念妈妈

林方舟

失去至亲的痛楚，因信仰得盼望，泪水不再苦涩，带着感恩，期待永恒的重逢。

在一年半前，我的妈妈，也是我从小最无话不说的好朋友，走了。

       她人生最后的一个月里，我陪伴在她身边；她走后，我的内心依旧停留在她的房间里，出不来。不再会有和她一起买菜的时光，不再有她的短信，电话的另外一头，也不再有她的声音。思念，总会在某个猝不及防地瞬间弥漫开来，很浓很痛。

       挺长一段时间，我像个小孩子一样，去哭，去发泄我的伤，去遗憾她不在的未来，然后就陷在里面。我很感谢我的太太，在那段时间一直温柔地提醒鼓励我，数算神的恩典。她说的对！

     「我的心哪，你为何忧闷？为何在我里面烦躁？应当仰望神，因我还要称赞祂」（诗篇42:5）

       当我用信心提醒自己，我要从悲伤中起来，去思想神的恩典时，神就把我的心领到宽阔之处。是啊，很多关于妈妈的回忆里，都有神。

       妈妈牵着还没上小学的我，风雨无阻，每个主日早晨，踩着碎步去教会敬拜神；她教导我读圣经祷告；用圣经的原则教我做事做人；叮嘱我来美国也要好好加入当地的教会。妈妈自己敬畏神，也把福音传给我，让我学习好好敬畏神，珍惜主耶稣的救恩，抓住了就不要放。

       在她生命最后的时光，那时她讲话已经很艰难了，却开口祷告，说她顺服爱她的神；我跪坐在她床边，和爸爸一起唱《耶稣良友》，《奇异恩典》。

       人生最后的一个月，我们一家人一直在一起。我很感谢神。

      「神爱世人，甚至将祂的独生子赐给他们，叫一切信祂的，不至灭亡，反得永生。」 （约翰福音 3:16）

       妈妈不在我们的生活里了。但是，因为主耶稣基督的救恩，和妈妈对神的信，有永活的盼望。那一天，我们回到天家，会见主的面，也会与我妈妈再见。因为主耶稣基督的救恩，因为我们的信，死亡不再辖制我们了，地上的分别也是暂时的。

       有天晚上，我又思念妈妈。这次，我想到她和我都接受了耶稣基督的救恩，想到将来在永恒里我们都与主在一起。那是长久以来，第一次，泪水里没有伤痛，没有抑郁，只有对神的感恩和盼望。

       生命很短，就算没有疾病，也总有说离别的一天。然后呢？

神的救恩，很宝贵，却是白白赐给我们。你愿意去了解吗？虽然不容易，但你愿意继续尝试让你所爱的家人去了解吗？

English

A year and a half ago, my mom—also, my best friend with whom I shared pretty everything growing up — left this world.

In the final month of her life, I stayed by her side. But even after she was gone, my mind is still trapped in her room, unable to move on. There are no more moments of grocery shopping with her, no more texts or calls from her. I missed her. Emotions always come suddenly, overwhelmingly. They fill the air, heavy, intense, and sharp.

For a long while, I wept like a child, releasing my grief, only to be consumed by it. Looking back, I am so thankful for my wife. In those days, she gently reminded me to count God’s blessings. She was right.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation. (Psalm 42:5)

When I reminded myself to rise above my sorrow and reflect on God’s grace, He led my heart to a place of peace. Yes, so many of my memories with my mom are intertwined with God.

I remembered when I was a little kid, my mom held my hand and led me by her side every Sunday morning to worship at church; she taught me to read the Bible, to pray; she used the wisdom of God’s words to teach me how to live and how to love; when I came to LA for school, she reminded me to stay connected to a local church. She feared God, and in her love for Him, she passed on the gospel to me, teaching me to revere God, to treasure the salvation of Jesus Christ, and to hold onto it with all my heart.

In her final days, when she had difficulty with speech, my mom still found the strength to pray, surrendering herself to God. I knelt beside her bed, with my dad, and we sang “Jesus, Friend of Sinners” and “Amazing Grace”.

Through the final month of her life, my father and I were with her. I am thankful to God.

For God so loved the world, that he gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

Yes, my mom is no longer here in my daily life. But because of the salvation of Jesus Christ and her steadfast faith in God, there is an eternal hope that keeps us connected. One day, we will be freed from death. And on that day, we will return to our Heavenly Home, see the Lord face to face, and once again be reunited with my mom. The separation I feel on earth is only temporary.

One night a few months ago, I found myself missing my mom so much. This time, I thought of how both she and I had received His salvation, and I was filled with the hope of the eternity we will share with Him. For the first time in a long while, my tears were no longer tears of pain or sorrow, but of gratitude and living hope in God.

Life is short, and even without sickness, there comes a day when we must part. And then what?

The salvation of Jesus is precious, and yet, it is freely given. A gift beyond measure, waiting to be received. Will you seek to understand its depth? Though it may not be easy, will you continue to try and share this gift with your loved ones?

读完有感想？请反馈给[email protected]！