许逸嘉
极端，为物体两端的尽头。
我的人生一路以来都好得无比。求学时期，我在梦寐以求的大学和研究所里学习；踏入社会，我在自己的兴趣里工作；到了成家，我的家里有一位世上最好的丈夫和两位可爱聪明的宝贝。而在人生的不同阶段，围绕着我的家人和朋友，都是些可遇不可求的天使。这一切好得让我有时会怀疑，未来会否出现一场巨大的风浪。没想到，试炼就在我大女儿Tylia (TT) 刚庆祝完三岁生日的那天开始。那天，我从最舒适的角落，瞬间被囚禁在恐惧的最深处。
两个月前，我们带TT到诊所做三岁的定期检查。当天医生发现她的血红素指数异常，请我们赶紧回家打包，到急症室挂号，并做好入院的准备。当晚的半夜两点，我和Daniel被敲门声吓醒，医生进来跟我们说TT很有可能是得了白血病，俗称血癌。
我永远都不会忘记那个夜晚。我错愕无助，不停颤抖。在床边陪着TT睡觉的Daniel走过来，然后我们两人在黑暗中抱头痛哭。就在我痛得难以言喻的时候，我想起耶稣在客西马尼的祷告：「父啊！你若愿意，就把这杯撤去！然而，不要成就我的意思，只要成就你的意思。」这段祷告的后半段，当时的我实在是说不出口，因为我很害怕神的意思与我不同，我害怕自己女儿需要承受极大的痛苦，更害怕她即将离我们而去。我心里反复呼求神，求你把这杯撤去，这实在是大于我所能承受的。
短短几天，TT经历了数不尽的身心创伤，我们全家度日如年。从抽血、打针，到目送TT去做全身麻醉、抽取骨髓、植入静脉装置等手术，许多次，身陷恐慌之中的她不停哭着向我们呼救，我们却无能为力，只能强忍着泪水安慰女儿。到了住院第四天的早上，三位医生请我们到会议室面谈，并证实TT得了白血病。医生所说的每一句话，就像斗兽场里的野兽，将手无寸铁的我们活生生地撕咬成碎片。医生在说明化疗的风险和后遗症的最后一句话是：「假若选择不做化疗，那唯一的后果就是死亡。
每个晚上，我背着弟弟离开医院，那条回家的路特别漫长，我总是忍不住泪流满脸。心如刀割的我，对神起了怨恨。为什么是TT？为什么要如此残忍地对待我那年幼的孩子，甚至还要把她从我身边夺走？就在其中一个夜晚，车上的古典乐电台传来了一首不太一样的歌曲，名叫「5 Variants of Dives and Lazarus」。那是一首根据圣经里财主和拉撒路的故事而谱的演奏曲。当下我看到拉撒路这个名字，第一个想到的是耶稣叫拉撒路复活的故事。耶稣听见马利亚前来说自己所爱的人病了，就说：「这病不至于死，乃是为神的荣耀，叫神的儿子因此得荣耀。」目前儿童患白血病的原因不明，在一百万个孩子里面只有42位儿童白血病患者。神在一个那么庞大的人群里选上了TT那绝对不是偶然，神很明确地对我说，这乃是为了要荣耀神。我开始踏上那顺服的旅程。
顺服，并不容易。头一个月的疗程非常艰辛，化疗药物让TT时常头痛和脚痛，好几次她痛到无法站立，痛苦求救。而高剂量的类固醇让她食欲暴增，性情大变。她时常委屈流泪，变得沉默寡言。那段日子，作为父母的我们也痛不堪言，无法想像要如何面对前面那漫漫长路。此时，神用他的话加添我们力量：「所以，不要为明天忧虑，因为明天自有明天的忧虑。一天的难处一天当就够了。」
一个月后，TT需要再次抽取骨髓，以确定化疗有效。感谢神，癌细胞被一举签灭，TT被归类为低风险的白血病患者。但虽然如此，TT仍然需要接受两年多的化疗，以避免癌症复发。化疗不只会带来短暂的副作用，也会给TT的身体带来一些永久性的伤害。而在化疗期间，TT免疫力降低，需要远离人群，无法像其他孩子一样正常地出门上学、社交和玩乐。前路荆棘满途，但神说：「我的恩典够你用的，因为我的能力是在人的软弱上显得完全。」我们所遭受的急难、困苦，是要叫基督的能力覆庇我们，叫神的儿子因此得荣耀。
「万事互相效力，叫爱神的人得益处。」万事，包含着物体两端的尽头。我盼望我和家人所经历的极端，能荣神益人。愿一切荣耀都归给上帝。
后记
这篇见证写于2022年感恩节，TT的血液检验结果证明治疗有效，癌细胞消失了！身心经历了许多煎熬的嘉嘉和Daniel深深地被神安慰到。以下是一年后嘉嘉的更新：
9/23/2023
不知不觉，一年就这样过去了。
感谢神的恩典，众弟兄姊妹的代祷和关爱，虽然这条化疗路不好走，但我们一家却满怀喜乐与盼望。勇敢的TT还需要接受一年多的化疗直到2024年的圣诞，她的白血病若在治疗后五年内不复发，便为治愈。
在这里特别感谢Amanda师母，从TT确诊的第一天开始不间断为我们一家付出，不管是建立代祷网，还是许多为我们减轻负担的贴心动作。我们无法在这里一一道谢所有爱我们的家人和朋友，唯有在祷告中记念大家。感谢神先爱我们，以至于我们能活在一个充满爱的大家庭里。
Obedience in the Midst of Extremes
Ceri Hui
The word “extreme” can be visualized as the two ends of an object.
My life has always been wonderful. As a student, I was able to attend my dream college and graduate school. Even as I stepped into society, I was able to pursue my passions. In my marriage, I was blessed with the best husband and two cute and smart babies. The people in my life, both family and friends, have all been people that I deeply cherish. Life had been so good that sometimes I would wonder if there would be a big storm waiting for me in the future. Never did I imagine that the trial would begin the day after my daughter turned 3. On that day, I was instantly moved from my corner of comfort and imprisoned in the furthest end of fear.
On December 23, 2022, we took TT to get her 3-year checkup. The doctor noticed that her hemoglobin level was abnormally low and told us to head to the ER and also to pack a bag, because she would need to stay at the hospital for a few days.
That night, around 2 in the morning, my husband, Daniel, and I were woken up by a knock on the door. A doctor came in and told us that TT likely had leukemia. I will never forget that night. I was stunned and helpless, shaking uncontrollably. Daniel, who had been sleeping beside TT, came over and we held each other and cried. In the midst of my unspeakable pain,
I remembered Jesus’ prayer in Gethsemane: “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” At that time, I couldn’t say the second half of the prayer, because I was afraid that God’s will would be different than mine. I was afraid that TT would have to endure extreme pain, or even worse, leave us. I kept crying out to God, please remove this cup from me. It is truly more than I can bear.
In the span of a few days, TT experienced countless pain and affliction. For our whole family, the days seemed endless. From blood draws and injections to seeing TT undergo general anesthesia for bone marrow biopsies and catheter implant surgeries, she would look to us and cry for help. But there would be nothing we could do except hold back our tears and do our best to comfort her. On the fourth day of our stay at the hospital, three doctors met with us in a conference room and confirmed that TT had leukemia. Each word that the doctors spoke, seemed like a wild beast that was released and was now tearing us apart. The last thing the doctors told us while explaining our current options going forward was that the alternative to not doing the chemotherapy was, frankly, death.
Every night, I would leave the hospital with TT’s little brother. The path home felt especially long, and I just couldn’t stop crying. In my anguish, I felt resentment towards God. Why TT? Why treat such a young child so cruelly? You gave us such a smart, thoughtful, and cute daughter. Why suddenly take her away from us? While driving home during one of these nights, I heard a song playing on the classical music station called “5 Variants of Dives and Lazarus”, which was inspired by the parable of the rich man and Lazarus in the Bible. When I saw the name Lazarus, my first thought was the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. When Jesus heard Mary say “Lord, he whom you love is ill,” he said: “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” Currently, the cause of leukemia in children is unknown. Out of a million children, only 42 children have leukemia. It was no coincidence that God decided to choose TT from such a large group of people. God was clearly telling me that this was for the glory of God. Thus, I began my journey of obedience.
Obedience is not easy. The first month of treatment was very tough. The chemotherapy drugs caused TT to have frequent headaches and leg pain. She was often in so much pain that she was unable to stand and would cry for help. The high dosage of steroids that she needed to take caused her appetite to greatly increase and also drastically changed her mood. She became closed off and would silently shed tears. During those days, we were also in a lot a pain as parents, unable to imagine how we would be able to face the long road ahead. At that moment, God strengthened us with His word: “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
A month later, TT had another bone marrow biopsy to determine the effectiveness of her chemotherapy. Praise God that she is now in remission and is considered a low-risk leukemia patient. Even so, TT still needs to undergo two more years of chemotherapy to decrease the risk of cancer relapse. Her chemotherapy not only has multiple side effects but may also cause some permanent damage to her body. Also, during her chemotherapy, TT’s immune system is weakened and needs to stay away from crowds. In other words, she will have a somewhat different childhood. The road ahead is paved with adversities, but God says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” We go through hardships and calamities, so that the power of Christ may rest upon us, and the Son of God may be glorified through it.
“All things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” And all things, include the two extremes of an object. I hope that the extremes that my family and I have experienced thus far may glorify God and bless many. May all glory be to God.
9/23/2023 Update
Without noticing, a year has gone by.
We are so grateful for God’s grace and for the prayers and love from our brothers and sisters. This journey has been challenging, but our family continues to be filled with joy and hope. Brave little TT still needs to undergo chemotherapy for another year until Christmas 2024. But if her leukemia remains in remission after five years, she will be considered as cured.
We would like to take this opportunity to give special thanks to Amanda, who has continuously supported us since the day of TT’s diagnosis – whether it’s setting up a prayer network or thoughtfully finding ways to ease our burdens. There isn’t enough space here to individually acknowledge and thank all of our loving family and friends, but we remember everyone in our prayers. Thank you God for first loving us, so that we can live in this big love-filled family.
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